viewer mail, issue #16

It’s long past time for another issue of viewer mail.  As usual, I take some of the actual search terms that led people to this blog, and I provide the information they were looking for.  Well, there’s no guarantee it’s the actual info they wanted, but hopefully it’ll be funny.    I may not know everything (just 98%, give or take 3%), but I know humor.  But enough about my extensive reserves of knowledge!  Let’s get to the search terms.

* “laughing is important” — I completely agree!  And science agrees also.  Some studies suggest that laughing heartily every day can add 7 years to your life.  So obviously laughing is important!  That’s why I write on this blog — to help people laugh, which promotes good physical and mental health.  So subscribe to the blog, for your health’s sake!     And tell your friends about it!

* will people realize obama is a joke — I’ve wondered this myself, thinking perhaps all of President Barack Obama’s strange doings were part of some huge April Fools joke.  But that day has come and gone, and there was no announcement.  I’m afraid this is reality, that Obama will be the U.S. President through 2012.   He’s who the people wanted.   (I won’t say he won fair and square, because of ACORN type groups, but McCain sure helped him out with a poorly planned campaign.)  Let’s just hope Obama doesn’t make too many changes to America.  People want some change, such as removing corruption and increasing transparency and fixing the economy, and so far Obama has not given us that type of change (despite his campaign promises).

* arguing teddy bears — Normally teddy bears are passive, peaceful creatures, choosing to bring comfort to little children everywhere, so if yours are arguing, then there’s some problems.   Usually all you have to do to keep them happy is hug them.  If all else fails, you could let them fight it out.   I realize that sounds violent, but teddy bears don’t have claws, and they are plushy, so no harm will come to them.  Perhaps letting them release their aggression is the solution you are looking for.  Then again, arguing and fighting is no in their nature, so perhaps you are exposing them to too much of that stuff… maybe you should look in the mirror for your solution…

* all you can eat belly — Well, if it isn’t obvious, here’s a picture.  But know that this is only after repeated use.  Enjoying all-you-can-eat buffets no more than once per week should be okay, but going there every day or two will lead to being fat.  There’s been a lot of research on this, which should be obvious.

* ice cream nachos — One might assume that combining two of mankind’s greatest food inventions would be a sure thing, but in this case it might not be.  I haven’t tried it, nor do I plan to.   Here’s what I recommend: eat your nachos, drink lots of sweet tea, and THEN eat your ice cream (topped with Oreos and/or Hershey’s Syrup).  Stay with that plan, and you can’t hardly go wrong.  (Well, don’t do this every day, for reasons illustrated by the previous topic.)

* build your own particle accelerator — This would be interesting, if you had the tools to conduct the research these are typically used for.  Hopefully you are searching for educational purposes only — this should not be used as a weapon.  Some scientists are concerned that high-powered particle accelerators could theoretically create black holes, which could obviously be dangerous, since they are the deadliest force in the universe.  Which, of course, means they are not a toy.

* can a man wear black bel and brown shoes — What kind of question is that?  Of course, a man can wear a black belt with brown shoes.  Men aren’t required to follow fashion trends nor to follow those imaginary rules concerning what matches and what doesn’t.  Besides, black matches everything.     Women pay more mind to these rules, and from what I’ve heard, they tend to judge each other very critically over those non-written fashion rules.  But with men it’s a different story.  In most cases, a guy’s friends won’t even notice what he’s wearing.  Besides, men need to reassert themselves and wear what they like and what is comfortable.

That’s all, folks!   Stay tuned for the next exciting episode, same blog time, same blog channel.

it’s not bad that Arlen Specter switched sides

Some people are making a huge deal of Senator Arlen Specter leaving the Republican party to switch to being a Democrat.  (At least he admitted it was mostly for re-election purposes.  Even if he betrayed his convictions and values, at least he can say he was honest about his betrayal.)

I realize his party switch can affect votes along party lines, but other than that, it’s actually a win-win situation for both sides, because it raises the average IQ of both parties. 

a new flatulence fee

A new ordinance was just passed in San Francisco requiring certain restaurants, such as Taco Bell, to charge a “flatulence fee”, because of damage done to the atmosphere and because methane contributes to global warming.

I tell ya, the politically-correct crowd sure is pushing their over-sensitivities and liberal agendas on everyone else.  While I can’t argue that places like Taco Bell can cause exorbitant amounts of gas (as research* has shown), the government doesn’t have any right to tax us more for eating there!    * no comment.

BTW, this is not actually true, if you haven’t guessed.  It’s April Fools Day, so we’re supposed to make up stuff like this.  Unfortunately, though, some of the far-left in our society are getting so crazy that such a thing could actually happen.  If you haven’t heard, the government is debating whether to charge fees for air-polluting animals, such as cows.  Some are calling it the “cow tax”.  Let’s hope it doesn’t happen.  Not only is it stupid, but it will bankrupt many farmers and cause more meat to be imported from other countries.  And that’s not funny.  (Click here for the full story.)

why the weather changed drastically

Yesterday the temperature here was 80 degrees, and today we’re getting sleet / freezing rain during the day.  I figured out why — the weather is frontin’… 

give thanks for food

Well, we’re nearing the annual Turkey Day (or Thanksgiving, as most call it).   It is, of course, a day to give thanks (which I covered on my other blog), but here at Buffet o’ Blog we tend to take a lighter look at life.  So here’s some of the things I’m thankful for (and will be extra thankful for on Thursday):

turkey and dressing
ham
macaroni & cheese
hashbrown casserole
mashed taters
gravy
sweet tea
cookies
pecan pie
chocolate pie

I could probably think of a few more things from a typical Thanksgiving feast, but you get the idea.  I am VERY thankful for the great food that we get to eat.  It’s easy to take it for granted, because for most of us it happens every year, but not everyone gets to enjoy such a great feast.  So I really am thankful for the wonderful food I’ll be eating a lot of.

Whoops, I was getting kinda serious there.  It’s good stuff, what I said, but I don’t want to let it take over this blog.   So here’s a Thanksgiving joke for you:

After Thanksgiving dinner, some guys go out in the yard and pass it.

Do you know the answer?   The “correct answer” is football, but there are other possibly correct answers.    That’s all I’ll say about that!

Now, in closing, I hope you all have plenty of food to eat, and a comfortable place to rest afterwards.