how to prevent hurricanes

If you know much about weather, you know that mankind does not possess the ability to stop a hurricane.  Hurricanes are kinda like a migraine headache in that regard — unstoppable once it gets going.  In fact, a migraine feels kinda like a hurricane in your head.  Or a tornado.  But I digress.

Anyway, we cannot stop a hurricane once it gets started.  I’ve heard that Hurricane Katrina contained the energy equivalent of 150,000 atomic bombs, and released enough of that energy to power the United States for a year.  Amazing!   If only we could capture a fraction of that power.  But that’s another discussion.  (I almost digressed again…)

So obviously the key to stopping a hurricane is to prevent it from forming.  That may sound impossible, and it almost is, but I learned from The Discovery Channel where hurricanes (affecting the U.S.) come from.  The whole process starts from hot, dry air from the Sahara Desert.  Pockets of that hot, dry air get released over the ocean about every three days, and then convection and evaporation and condensation and stuff take place, and hurricanes are formed.  So one possible solution would be to destroy the Sahara Desert.   I know, that sounds crazy, but think about it — the climate of the Sahara is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.  So who would it inconvenience?  It would save a lot of money when we don’t have destructive hurricanes!

I can see some people opposing that plan.  Fortunately there’s another potential way to stop hurricanes.  During the convection process, clouds form and begin to rotate because of the rotation of the Earth.  So obviously if we stopped the Earth’s rotation, that would prevent hurricanes from forming.  However, this plan would have some major side-effects, like perhaps altering gravity, and we might lose the Moon.  I’m sure some other bad things would happen too, so I can see this idea being vetoed.

Perhaps instead of destroying the Sahara Desert, we should just cover it with solar panels to capture the heat.  And since the Sahara Desert is one of the hottest places in the world, this could also reduce global warming, and it would be a clean, green, unlimited, renewable energy solution.  Sounds perfect, right?  That could be quite expensive, which is probably why it hasn’t been done.  But it would produce untold amounts of clean energy, which everyone wants these days.  Since a large up-front investment is needed, you can start sending in donations, and I’ll do this whenever I get enough money, and it’ll be a win-win for everyone.  You can give using various denominations of cash, check, credit card, and bacon.

why the weather changed drastically

Yesterday the temperature here was 80 degrees, and today we’re getting sleet / freezing rain during the day.  I figured out why — the weather is frontin’… 

it’s now winter, they say

As you might’ve heard, winter officially started today, December 21, at 6:04 AM CST.  But I have a problem with this.   See, we had lots of ice here a few days ago, which is most definitely winter weather.  But according to some official consensus, we were getting ice and snow in the fall.  And this is in Arkansas, where we rarely get ice and snow.   Some places in the country have had feet of snow already!

So obviously the system is broken.   And I’m not afraid to challenge the status quo.  We need to devise a new system for determining the seasons.  Now before some sticklers for traditions get crazy over my ideas, I know why the current system is setup.   It’s based on the winter solstice, which is the shortest day of the year.  And I could use more terms like equinoxes and diurnal movements and such, but all that isn’t necessary at this time.  Because whatever it’s based on now, it doesn’t work.

I propose we use a system based on the actual weather.   That just makes a lot more sense.  (Maybe too much…)  I know, it would vary depending on where you are, but that’s fine.  Once it starts snowing, then it’s winter.  When snows have ended and the average high temperature is in the 50s or 60s, then spring is starting.  When the average high temperature starts exceeding 90 degrees, it’s summer.   And so forth.  And note that I’m basing these numbers on Arkansas.  Your results may vary.

Is this too much to ask?  Or can someone suggest a viable reason for keeping it the way it is?

President Bush doesn’t care about white people

I’m sure you remember when Hurricane Katrina flooded New Orleans and thousands of homes were destroyed, and activists like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton were all over the TV news saying it’s President Bush’s fault, that he didn’t do enough about the insufficient levees and that he didn’t visit there quick enough and he didn’t get all the people out of the flooded areas.  Bush took a lot of blame for that situation, and some of the activists were saying he didn’t care about black people.

flood in the Midwest

Well, now the Midwest has flooded, including almost all of Iowa.  Thousands of homes and businesses have been destroyed because of torrential rains plus broken levees, and it continues to get worse.  Also, thousands of acres of food crops were destroyed.  Was George W. Bush there the next day to visit?  No.  (He was in Europe, but maybe he should’ve got over here right away.)  Did he fix the levees before the storms to protect all those white people and their crops?  Nope.  Has he sent money to the people who didn’t buy insurance to protect their property?  No.  So what’s the deal?  Obviously, President Bush doesn’t care about white people.  It’s so clear now.  He is prejudiced against Caucasian-Americans and European-Americans.

But where is the outrage?  Millions of people have been affected by this flood in the U.S. Midwest, and where are the white activists?  Who will stand up for these people?  Doesn’t anyone care?  Who will hold Bush and the government accountable?

So by now you might have guessed that this is satire.  Although, the facts are based on actual news, and there is a parallel between Hurricane Katrina and the flooding in the Midwest.  But there was advance warning and predictions about what happened in New Orleans, Louisiana.  So why is one a greater outrage than the other among the political and racial activists?

You can draw your own conclusions…

the special days of May, pt 2

Now we will continue our look at the special days of May.  This part will focus on holidays or observances on individual days.

• 1 May Day — This is supposed to be a celebration of spring and the coming of summer.  In Hawaii, it’s known as “Lei Day”.  In many countries, it’s a one to three day holiday.  If it means getting off work, we should celebrate it here in the U.S.
• 1 Space Day — I suppose you can just stare off into space this day.  It would be great if we could all get a free trip to space, so we can really appreciate it.  But that’s probably not in the space exploration budget…
• 3 Lumpy Rug Day — Uhh… what exactly are you supposed to celebrate here?  I’d figure you don’t want your rug to be lumpy… but to each his own.
• 4 Bird Day — This holiday has gone to the birds…
• 4 National Candied Orange Peel Day — What?  I didn’t know people even did this?  Why?
• 4 National Weather Observers’ Day — I sometimes observe the weather, so I reckon this is a day for me!  Maybe there will be a thunderstorm with lots of lightning on this day!
• 5 Cinco de Mayo — I hear a lot of people talk about this holiday every year, but it’s supposed to be a day to be proud of your Hispanic descent.  So it doesn’t apply to me (or most of the people I hear talking about it).
• 5 National Hoagie Day — This is a holiday I can support.  This day you should eat a large hoagie / sub / hero sandwich, piling on the toppings of your choice.  Remember, since it’s a holiday, diets don’t apply, so add all the toppings you want (including bacon).
• 6 Beverage Day — My favorite beverage is sweet tea, specifically BOH tea from Malaysia (which is difficult to acquire in these parts).  But I drink this regularly, so for it to be a special day, restaurants ought to make beverages be free.  It sounds reasonable to me. 
• 6 No Diet Day — This is what I’m talking about!  This should be a holiday every month!  Like it says, no diets apply, so eat whatever you want this day.
• 7 National Tourism Day — If we’re supposed to support tourism on this day, that means we need to be off work!  You can’t be a tourist in your home area, so you need time off work to travel around.
• 8 No Socks Day — The person who created this day professes that not wearing socks will reduce your laundry load, therefore it’s good for the environment.  If that’s true, we might as well take it a step further.  Just stay home this day, wearing only your underwear, and playing video games. 
• 9 Lost Sock Memorial Day — A memorial for lost socks?  There’s no need to get mushy or sentimental over that!  Just buy some new socks.  Although, if you happen to have a problem of mad goats eating socks out of your dryer, then that could get expensive, but you might want to do something about that…
• 10 Clean up Your Room Day — Let’s not and pretend we did…
• 11 Mother’s Day — I’m very thankful that my mom had me.  You should be, too.  Because if I hadn’t been born, the world would really be missing out… 
• 11 Eat What You Want Day — Obviously diets don’t apply on this day, either, because what I want doesn’t fit into normal diets.  Hmm, what should I eat this day?  Pizza is always a good choice, and cheeseburgers, and nachos, and Mexican all-you-can-eat places would be a great place to go, and seafood buffets, and fudge brownies and ice cream with chocolate syrup drizzled over it, and I could go on.  This really needs to be more than one day!!!
• 11 Twilight Zone Day — Dun dun DUN!
• 12 Fatigue Syndrome Day — One of the suggested activities today is to sleep in.
• 12 Limerick Day — If you want to flex your poetic non-muscles, this is the day.  Perhaps someone would like to write one in the comments section.  (Any time is fine.)
• 13 Leprechaun Day — Has anyone ever seen one of these Irish midgets?  (Or is it a faerie?)  If you catch one, ask him where his treasure is hidden, because he’s supposed to tell you.  I could use some extra treasure, so let me know if you know where one is.
• 14 Dance Like a Chicken Day — Do chickens dance?  I dunno.  According to one website, this is a “tradition at every wedding reception”.  I’m glad we didn’t know about it at my wedding!  There were way too many people with cameras there for me to act the fool.  But I don’t believe that anyway — I think they’re just making that up, trying to make people act stupid for others’ enjoyment.
• 15 National Chocolate Chip Day — This is a most excellent use of a holiday (much better than the last one!).  This day, you should eat as many chocolate chip cookies as you want.  And have plenty of milk handy, too.  I don’t know why, but milk goes really well with chocolate chip cookies.

This list is getting considerably long, so I’m going to continue it in the next post.  (Click here to search for the other ones.)