I was just talking with some of the Buffet o’ Blog staff today about how great it would be if we could invent a weather controlling device. That is, not just a device to help us forecast weather, but to prophesy what will happen. We would easily make billions of dollars, by delivering rain to farmers’ crops and drought-prone regions when they need it. We could prevent rain at weddings, so everyone who wants an outdoor wedding can have one. We could keep it from raining or snowing at important sporting events. We could make the summer temperatures bearable at major theme parks like Disney World or Six Flags Over Texas. The list could go on and on.
Since we would do so much good with this device, helping solve many world problems, we should get a government grant to pay for our research. These types of devices are very complicated. I would explain it to you, but there’s a lot of math involved.
Not only would this device be quite profitable for us, it would also be quite fun. Imagine creating a small rain cloud that follows someone around, like in the cartoons… That would be great! And picture a huge, puffy, white cumulus cloud falling on someone. The shadow would get bigger and bigger, and they’d run around but be unable to get out from under the shadow, and then they’d be enveloped in fluffy white cloudage.
Another useful technique we’d implement with this technology would be to keep politicians and TV news reporters in check. We had dreamed about being able to make a hand slap someone on TV when they say something stupid, but this would be even better. Every time a politician lies to us, and every time a TV anchorman spins the story to suit his bias while ignoring the facts, they would get zapped in the butt by a small bolt of lightning. People would be afraid to lie or say stupid things. This would be great for the upcoming presidential election! (We might find out where the candidates actually stand on the issues!)
So see, we have lots of great uses planned for this technology. However, our current jobs prohibit us from putting in the required amount of research and development, so we really need that government grant for a few million dollars, so we can devote ourselves to this project full-time. We just want to make the world a better place…
[Ed. note: This picture of lightning is one I took from my backyard in August 2006. Click for a larger image.]