a new product to handle flatulence

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You know how there’s those breath strips (skrips) like Listerine “PocketPaks” where you can put one on your tongue and it dissolves to create fresher breath?  Those were a good idea.  But I’ve got an idea to take that concept much farther.

I have the Buffet o’ Blog R&D (Research & Development) department working on some strips that will dissolve into thin air.  The purpose of these will be for those people who insist on passing gas near your comfort zone.  (You know who you are!)  These strips can be used to cover up your own fart slip, or they can be used when a friend rips one near you and walks away.  These strips will have cleansing bubbles that remove the malodorous methane-based odor from the air, leaving only fresh air behind, with a hint of citrus.  We may make other flavors available, such as mountain meadows, but they’ll be worked on once the product is fully working properly.

If the carefully formulated formula formulates as planned, you could actually leave a strip (or two) in your underdrawers (drawz) for those days when you have a rumbly in your tumbly and there’s a forecast of thunder from down under.  Then you’ll be able to break wind while in important meetings at work (as long as you keep the volume down).  Coworkers may notice a freshness emanating from you, but you can attribute that to your cologne / perfume.

Yes, when this product is released, you won’t have to fear hanging out with your extra-gaseous friends anymore.  Their foul flatulence can be neutralized with this revolutionary new product.  And it will benefit you personally, too, as you won’t have to fear the shame and embarrassment of farting in public or at family gatherings.  You will feel a new-found freedom in life, and I suspect it will even help you enjoy life more.

Coming soon to a store near you…

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5 responses »

  1. There is already a product to handle flatulence, it is called the Flatulence Deodorizer by Flat-D Innovations Inc. http://www.flat-d.com It is an activated charcoal pad you place in your underwear to absorb gas odor. It is doctor recommended, FDA registered and patented. Check it out

  2. I’m not sure I fully agree with the lemon ‘remedy’ I like eating lemons… but I still have ‘mucho’ gas regardless… maybe I’m just not eating ENOUGH lemons… considering I’m definitely over 150lbs 🙂 I guess i’ll have to do some research on this… with a big bowl of chili followed up with a lemon pie for desert (made with the juice of a couple lemons of course)

  3. On the link above that talks about using lemon juice to reduce gas, it says this :
    {
    Exercise is also linked to “getting things moving” by keeping your muscles toned, so that they may also contribute to the success of keeping your body healthy. Make sure that you are scheduled to walk 20 minutes a day to stay in a regular way!
    }
    That’s a good point. Also, one way of exercising muscles that help keep you regular is by passing gas. Think about it — when you’re holding a fart until the right moment, then you squeeze it out for maximum loudness, you’re contracting your sphincter muscles, which is like giving them a workout. So I reckon that the more you do that, the better you get at it. (That sounds about right, because I know a few people who are definitely skilled at such things, way more than the average person.)

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