the special days of August, pt 4

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Now we will conclude our listing of the special holidays / celebrations / observances in August:

  • 20 Daydream Day — Okay, here goes…  As soon as I arrive at work, my watch emits a tone on a frequency that only I can hear with my supersonic hearing.  I press a button on it, and when it validates my fingerprint, it displays a video of the Important Evil Genius trying to rebuild his secret lair.  I sneak out of work, rip my shirt off to reveal my super pajamas, and fly away, to save the day once again, before bedtime.  (I could keep going, but you get the idea.)
  • 21 Senior Citizen’s Day — If you’re old and you know it clap your hands!  [clap, clap]  Hey, who turned out the lights?
  • 22 Be an Angel Day — Angels are supernatural beings, existing in the spiritual realm.  They are able to manifest themselves in a physical body to appear like humans.  But we are unable to be angels.
  • 23 Ride the Wind Day — That sounds cool!  (And if there’s not any wind, I reckon you’ll have to create your own…)
  • 23 National Sponge Cake Day — This sounds good, if we add some strawberries and whipped cream.
  • 23 Toast Appreciation Day — First, a toast to bread, for without bread, there could be no toast.  Now, a message from The Toast Marketing Board: Eat more toast.
  • 24 Vesuvius Day — This marks the day in 79 A.D. that Mount Vesuvius exploded in one of the largest volcanic eruptions in history.  Several Roman cities were destroyed, including Pompeii.  So why is this a holiday?
  • 24 National Peach Pie Day — Add some ice cream and this would be a good treat.
  • 24 Strange Music Day — There’s a lot of strange music out there, although you won’t hear much of it on the standard “Top 40” radio stations.  They’re too busy playing what the record companies want them to play.  But listen to an indie station (like public radio or a college station), and you might hear some unusual stuff.  You might even like some of it.  Go ahead, broaden your mind.
  • 25 National Banana Split Day — I fully support this holiday!
  • 25 Kiss and Make Up Day — If it’s that simple to make up, perhaps this is the day for getting in trouble…  🙂
  • 26 National Dog Day — On this day every year, dogs around the world unite in an attempt to conquer Earth.  Fortunately, their plan is always thwarted by fire hydrants.
  • 26 Women’s Equality Day — On this day, women should be treated equally.  🙂
  • 27 Global Forgiveness Day — Today, let’s forgive Mother Nature.  The Earth’s weather patterns are just doing what they’re setup to do; it’s nothing personal against anyone.  So don’t hold a grudge.
  • 27 Just Because Day — I’m cool, just because.  Oh, wait, that’s every day…  Um, let’s look at what one website suggests for this day: Take an unplanned day of vacation (that sounds like a great idea!); Knock on someone’s door and compliment them for their great lawn (uhh, no); Skip, don’t walk (no, how about stay in bed all morning); Buy something you don’t need (that sounds good); Jump in a puddle (maybe); Walk backwards (no).  That started out well, but then the ideas became less inspired.  Anyway, you get the idea.  Do something “just because”.
  • 28 Dream Day — I had a weird dream the other day.  I was at the house of a famous Christian singer, and he was fixing lunch, and the other guys in his band were loading hay bales, and another famous artist (from a completely different musical genre) showed up, then some friends came, and then I woke up.  It was a cool dream, but weird.
  • 29 More Herbs, Less Salt Day — Uhh, what?  Why is this a holiday?
  • 29 Blame Everything on The One-Armed Man Day — Okay, this one is definitely obscure.  The reference is to a TV show called “The Fugitive”, and the final episode aired August 29, 1967.  I’ve heard this phrase used in pop culture before, though.  So today, I’m not going to work, and I’m going to blame it on the one-armed man.  This is also a good day to do pranks and pass the blame.  Just make sure there’s not a one-armed man in the building, or he’s gonna have a really bad day!
  • 30 Frankenstein Day — Is this the day that we become mad scientists and create our own monster?  I hope so, because I’ve always wanted to do that.
  • 30 Toasted Marshmallow Day — They’re good by themselves, or you can make s’mores with them.  Speaking of marshmallows, I had a dream about them one time.  I was sitting around the campfire, and I was toasting the biggest marshmallow I’d ever seen, then I started eating it.  When I woke up, my pillow was gone…
  • 30 Organize Something in Your Home Day — This sounds like work, so let’s find a loophole.  It just says “something”, which could mean anything, so how about this — I’ll organize my video game collection according to which titles I like best, which means I need to play them all to properly sort them.  🙂
  • 31 National Trail Mix Day — This is probably about the snacks, but that’s boring; let’s see, I bet if we think creatively enough we can find some ambiguosity to run with.  How about this: on this day, mix up the signs on mountain hiking trails.  Then later in the day, at the starting point, leave a sign that says, “Surprise! This is National Trail Mix Day!”  Then the hikers will know it was all a joke, and they can laugh about being lost for hours.  🙂

I hope you found something you could celebrate this month.  I know I did.

Click here to find the other entries for August.

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9 responses »

  1. I think the one-armed people of America will be up in “arms” over “blame everything on the one-armed man day”… 🙂

  2. So on that day when we’re supposed to treat women equally, does that mean treat them like we would a guy? That is, if you wouldn’t open the door for a guy, don’t open one for a woman. And if you wouldn’t repress your flatulence around the guys, don’t hold back around women. Is that what this holiday means?

  3. RE: Frankenstein Day… The Important Evil Genius is a mad scientist*, and he once tried to create his own monster, but he burnt the secret sauce, and he ended up with a vat of super-sour pickles. Rather than admit defeat, he concocted some lame plan to conquer the world with pickles. He has since become a force not to be reckoned with, as in not worth even thinking about. 🙂

    * “mad” as in crazy but also mad that his lair was discovered and confiscated.

  4. so mr ‘former GP editor’ (if INDEED that’s your real name) you emerge again from hiding to slander my good name. you will not think my plans are so lame once you are one of my pickled minions! mwa ha ha… all in due time… you shall see! and if by some act of impossibility my plan does not succeed I have many others… oh yes! how does the sound of me setting the earths atmosphere on fire sound? I have a plan by which I can do it!… unless the world bows at my feet or sends me money… or both!

  5. @ Important Evil Genius… You think I’m trying to slander your good name? You don’t even have a good name! I mean, your name is suitable for one trying to conquer the world and all, but your reputation is not good. And, actually, your name is not accurate — you are neither important nor a genius. And I doubt you’re an actual doctor, unless you have one of those non-accredited degrees where you mail in $19.95 for a certificate, and those don’t count.

    Just face it — your secret lair was confiscated and your world-conquering toys were plundered. Now you have little to no self-esteem, probably just sitting at home on the couch, eating Cheetos puffs, wishing you could go back in time so you could make something of your wasted life. Just admit the facts, and it will help you feel better.

    Maybe you could get a job as a Walmart greeter… There’s no qualifications — some of them don’t say hi or smile, and some of them don’t even look at you. It’s really simple, and it’s right up your alley.

  6. former editor guy, I understand where you are coming from… I suppose i’d be upset too if I lost my job at the paper because I got caught making up and printing complete and utter fabrications as ‘news’ (our readers can decide for themselves the facts at the link below… it’s important they read the comments to get the ‘full’ story. information is power! we’ll i’m off for a nap… planning world domination can really take it out of you. https://buffetoblog.wordpress.com/2007/02/20/dangerous-secret-lair-discovered/

  7. Important Evil Genius, I imagine you weren’t too upset over my firing, because you paid off the people who got me fired! It was a huge conspiracy. How can you sleep at night, knowing the “news” at GP News is all bought off?

    And I agree, readers unfamiliar with the story should read the post you linked to, including the comments, to see how I was unfairly treated. Fortunately I have not let that debacle derail my career nor my journalistic integrity. I’m about to reveal some more huge stories, which you will find interesting…

  8. August 3rd: International Forgivness Day

    August 27th: Global Forgivness Day

    What is going on? August: Universal Forgivness Month?

  9. It does seem like August should be Universal Forgiveness Month, since it’s emphasized several times. That wouldn’t be a bad thing, though, because it is really important to forgive others, as explained on the listing for August 3rd. I suspect a lot of people don’t think about the impact of that rule, and it could cost them someday. That’s why I felt compelled to elaborate on it, even though this is just a humor blog.

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