weird McDonald’s commercials

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You’ve probably seen the commercials with the Burger King King, right?  Well, for those of you who think he’s creepy (and he is), take a look at the first ever McDonald’s commercial, featuring Ronald McDonald.  He’s quite creepy here, in his original form.

Man, that was terrible!  He’s wearing his food, and his dancing is not cool / hip / trendy, even for back then.  Anyway, let’s move on.  I’ve found some other old McDonald’s commercials that you probably don’t remember.  (I know I don’t remember them all, because some were aired before I was born.)  BTW, this post may look long because of the video links, but the commercials aren’t very long, so hang in there.  This may be more amusing than you expect.

Here’s a McDonald’s commercial from 1971, featuring McDonaldland, which got shut down because of a lawsuit.  Poor Mayor McCheese, never to be seen again!

Did you notice Ronald’s afro?  It was the ’70s, I guess.  Was he wearing bell bottoms?  I’m not gonna watch it again to see, because that music gives me gas.

In this next video, Hamburglar has the Magic Touch to turn everything into cheeseburgers.  It’s definitely stupid, and you might want to watch it for nostalgia’s sake, but then you’ll realize it was really lame, and you’ll wonder why you ever thought the Hamburglar was cool, except that he had a cool name.

Plus, in that video, notice the Hamburlgar brought out a big plate of burgers, and they weren’t even wrapped.  Do you know why they weren’t wrapped?  Because he stole them!  That’s what he does!  He turned to a life of crime, to steal hamburgers from McDonalds.  But do Ronald and Grimace care?  Apparently not.  After all, he is sharing his stolen hamburgers with them.  Which would make Ronald McDonald a criminal, because he becomes an accomplice.  So he shouldn’t be selling products to kids!  Crazy stuff…

In this next video, we learn that Grimace is an evil criminal also.   His name is E. Grimace, and apparently the E is for Evil.  He stole all the cups from McDonalds, meaning kids can’t have cokes or triple-thick shakes.   So what does Ronald do?  He tricks (deceives / lies to) Grimace to distract him so they can steal the cups back and take them back to McDonalds for use.  Something just doesn’t seem right about that.  And speaking of what ain’t right, what kind of creature is Grimace?  He’s a blob with several arms / legs / appendages.  He’s kinda creepy in this video, and looks obnoxiously dumb.

This next commercial is a departure from the McDonaldland theme, where workers sing about how clean the “burger machine” is and how much fun it is to clean and scrub the floor.  Sorry, but this just isn’t realistic…  Of course, I did no research on such things back in 1970 (because I wasn’t born), but I doubt fast-food restaurants were ever that clean nor that workers actually enjoyed cleaning them.

Do you remember the McNuggets from 1985, and how they could talk and sing and bounce around and even play the drums?   If you do remember without watching the video, you should overwrite that wasted memory with something productive.  Anyway, this is lame.  And watch out for bad puns!

You might have noticed a pirate near the end.  That was Captain Crook (whose parents really pigeonholed him into a career with that name!).  He tried to steal Filet-O-Fish sandwiches while avoiding capture by Big Mac, the chief of police in McDonaldland.  I reckon the producers figured you could have different characters stealing different types of food.

Well, that concludes our journey into the history of McDonald’s commercials.  Did anybody learn anything?

Thank you, drive thru…

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15 responses »

  1. I have a friend who has a Grimace costume and even wore it to a party a few years ago. I probably shouldn’t mention that his name is Fab, because he might’ve retired that costume since then… 🙂

  2. That was my favorite purple shirt, man. I don’t appreciate you making fun of my clothes and my shape. Just because I crashed your dorkie little costume party that I wasn’t invited to (because I am too cool for such nonsense), you think you have to talk about me in that manner. Well excuse me for coming as “Grimace” as you say, but the costume rental place said a guy named Beppo had rented the last Super Dork costume and handed me a big purple shirt. Then, I swung through Mickey Dee’s and showed up at your house. 🙂

  3. At my house? The night in question wasn’t at my house, so your version of the story must be a fabrication. I’ve never hosted a costume party (because I am too cool for such nonsense).

    Besides, I’ve never dressed up like Super Dork. That was Mango-Man. 🙂

  4. Here all this time I thought MM lived in a state of denial over his love of ketunias. But this is just as bad–denying historical facts* accurately presented** to prove a point.***

    *No real historical facts were presented.
    **There was no real accuracy.
    ***The point was bogus and thus unprovable.

    Despite all these footnotes concerning the exact location, dates, and circumstances, Beppo’s still lying! He wears that Super Dork Costume daily! 🙂

  5. Fab, is your reply a joke? Your footnotes all say your side of the argument is bonus, then you accuse me of lying. Your feeble attempt at reasoning has put your brain in a conundrum. It sounds like you’re discombobulated in a bad way.

    And then you’re the one lying — I have never wore a Super Dork costume. Are you pushing your problems onto other people? That’s something MM struggles with, but I didn’t know you also had this same problem.

  6. My argument was a BONUS as you say–in other words it was added just for entertainment purposes. While some of the facts of the story may have been Fab-ricated, the essence of the story (you wearing the Super Dork costume in various colors) is totally true.

  7. Bonus, you say? Bonus crap, perhaps. It was all fab-ricated! In fact, there isn’t even a real Super Dork character — it’s just your imaginary alter-ego. But you neglected to provide that information during your argument…

  8. While I realize that Super Dork isn’t a real “character” like a super hero or a comic book personality, he does exist in real life as proven by your existence. Don’t be in a sad state of denial like the poor Mango-Man. Now I’m starting to wonder if you’re into ketunias too. Embrace your inner dork because he is oh so very much there. We, your friends have come to accept this obvious fact and you should too. Anyone who has to proclaim his own “coolness” as much as you do is obviously not cool, but a dork. And that’s fine. In fact, admitting it will raise your cool factor a little bit.

    • So admitting you’re a dork makes you more cool?!? Does not compute! Is that to make yourself feel better?

  9. Where do you see / hear me proclaiming my coolness? It may be overwhelmingly self-evident, but I don’t go about proclaiming it. You must be confusing me with someone else. You should get your facts straight if you want to be taken seriously.

  10. The coolness remark is comment #3 is called humor — you used it, yet I used it in defense of your accusations.

    Besides, you said “as much as you do”, and I don’t see any evidence of such claims. However, I do say a lot of cool things, so perhaps that’s what you’re thinking of.

  11. I’m no psychiatrist (though I have stayed at a Holiday Inn Express), but I’d say Fab is jealous and/or bitter about not being invited to that party (and perhaps others), based on comment #2 (his first) and his continuing effort to discredit other people for no good reason.

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