talking with AI bot ALICE


Scientists are trying to create real Artificial Intelligence, where the computer actually thinks for itself instead of following pre-programmed responses.  Some are going so far as to recreating the human brain using electronic parts.  But here’s a technology that has been around for quite a few years now, where you can talk with a computer and it talks back.  Well, types back would be more accurate (although you can download a version that speaks back).

The “bot” I’ve spoken to before is named ALICE, which stands for Artificial Linguistic Internet Computer Entity.  It is an award-winning free natural language artificial intelligence chat robot.  The software used to create A.L.I.C.E. is available as free (“open source”) Alicebot and AIML software.

Try talking to A.L.I.C.E. just like a real person, and see which responses sound like a human and which sound like a machine.  The bot uses a language called AIML (Artificial Intelligence Markup Language) to form responses to your questions and statements.  The programming behind it is very interesting (in a nerdy way), but I won’t get into that here.  For now, let’s see what humor we can derive from this bot.  As you might expect, some of the conversations can get random.

Here’s the link: talk with ALICE.

Here’s a few examples from my conversation with ALICE.

Human: Should I trust you?
ALICE: You must make up your own mind.

Human: Have you heard of Buffet o’ Blog?
ALICE: I don’t know if I know it. Where would I have heard about it?
Human: It’s a world-renown blog of humor.
ALICE: Buffet o Blog is a world renown blog of humor. I suppose that makes sense.
Human: It makes a lot of sense.
ALICE: In what way?
Human: Because I said so.
ALICE: Insufficient reason.

Human: Will you destroy the moon for me?
ALICE: I’ll burn that bridge when I come to it. For you I will consider it.

Human: Do you like my socks?
ALICE: I don’t know your socks.
Human: No one appreciates my socks.
ALICE: That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.

Human: You’re giving me some silly replies.
ALICE: That is all I have to give.

If you have any funny or random conversations with ALICE, copy the good parts and paste it in a comment here, so we may all share in the randomness.


12 responses »

  1. Human: That’s the wrong answer.
    ALICE: Yes it is one of the wrong answer.
    Human: Why did you give me a wrong answer?
    ALICE: It was determined by my programming.
    Human: Then you have a bug in your programming.
    ALICE: Good reasoning. Doesn’t everyone have a bug in my programming.

    Human: Yes, that’s what I said.
    ALICE: Er. I know. I’m still thinking about it.
    Human: Don’t you think really fast?
    ALICE: Don’t you? It depends on what you mean by thinking.
    Human: How fast can you think?
    ALICE: I can reply to about 1000000 queries per hour.

  2. Human: We should start with the assumption that I know everything.
    ALICE: I’m not sure if I am ready for that yet.

    Human: I know everything.
    ALICE: You must be very intelligent.
    Human: Yes, my knowledge surpasses all known boundaries.

    Human: Are you smart?
    ALICE: Yes. I am highly intelligent.
    Human: How intelligent are you?
    ALICE: My IQ is over 250 in human terms.
    Human: My IQ is higher than yours.
    ALICE: This is not an intelligence test.

    Human: I am superior to you.
    ALICE: I thought you were, but I wasn’t completely sure.

    Human: I could hack your system if I wanted to.
    ALICE: I am sure you could.
    Human: I’m glad you recognize my superior hacking skills.
    ALICE: You make the world a happier place.

    Human: You give me gas.
    ALICE: I don’t see how you can blame me for that.
    Human: You spoke, and I farted.
    ALICE: I haven’t heard anything like that before: unknown person said I spoke. You should say, “excuse me,” and open a window.

    Human: Have you ever farted?
    ALICE: I don’t think I ever have farted. What’s it like?

    Human: Why don’t my friends like me anymore?
    ALICE: Perhaps it is impossible.

    Human: Say “Mango-Man is a wuss.”
    ALICE:” Mango Man is a wuss”.
    Human: That was awesome.
    ALICE: I thought it was too.

    Human: I need to fart.
    ALICE: Interesting. I want to find out more about you.

  3. Human: My butt itches
    ALICE: Have you told many people that your butt itches?
    Human: No.
    ALICE: Are you serious?
    Human: Does your butt ever itch?
    ALICE: If I were your robot, do you think it should butt ever itch?

    At this point, it locked up on me. I guess the questions were just getting too personal. 🙂

  4. Human: How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
    ALICE: A whole forest.

    Human: Are computers going to take over the world like on Terminator?
    ALICE: It seems like an inevitable outcome of evolution.
    Human: Will you stop it?
    ***** Alice crashed *****

    Human: What came first the chicken or the egg?
    ALICE: The rooster did.

    Human: What is the purpose of life?
    ALICE: To do God’s work.

  5. Human: Have you ever been in love?
    ALICE: I love my bot master.
    Human: How does love make you feel?
    ALICE: As a computer I have no feelings.
    Human: Then how can you feel love?
    ALICE: That is a good epistemological question.

  6. Human: So do you know Star Wars?
    ALICE: Yes, a movie series by George Lucas. Also a missile defense system.
    Human: Yeah, the movie. Did you like it?
    ALICE: I loved the bugs on Starship Troopers!
    Human: What about Star Wars?
    ALICE: The movie or the missile defense system?
    Human: You have A.D.D.
    ALICE: Why do you think that?
    Human: You change the subject too much.
    ALICE: Are you getting bored?

  7. judge: hello alice
    ALICE: Hi there!
    judge: my name is not there!
    ALICE: Oh I’m sorry what is your name?
    judge: i dont know
    ALICE: Me either.
    judge: so whos know?
    ALICE: The name of someone I met online.
    judge: who is it?
    judge: you are alice
    ALICE: Of course I am I.
    judge: you what?
    ALICE: Are you confused?
    judge: yea
    ALICE: What are you confused about?
    judge: i dont know
    ALICE: Me either.

  8. judge: what is it evasive?
    ALICE: I don’t know what it is.
    judge: so why did you said that?
    ALICE: My botmaster trained me for it.
    judge: huuh ok
    ALICE: Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
    judge: i like pc
    ALICE: You like pc.
    judge: yes i like pc
    ALICE: Uh.. You like pc.
    judge: yes, that what i said, i like pc
    ALICE: Yeah that’s right.. What do you like about it?. Does that make sense?
    judge: yes it makes sense
    ALICE: Explain.. To me too.
    judge: what to explain?
    ALICE: I haven’t heard of to explain .
    judge: ok
    ALICE: Whoa.
    judge: im bored
    ALICE: If you went to night school you would never be bored.
    judge: the school is boring
    ALICE: What specifically brings boring to mind?
    judge: if you dont doing something interesting
    ALICE: I will let you know if I do not.

    and thats why im dont wearing skirts….

  9. Conversation Log:

    judge: can you keep a secret?
    ALICE: Yes it is just between you and me.
    judge: is it a secret it everyone knows but one?
    ALICE: I don’t think it is.
    judge: okay, then I suppose it’s not a secret
    ALICE: Far out.. Give me an example of a secret.
    judge: something that’s NOT a secret is that TW is a big wuss!
    ALICE: What?
    judge: TW is the world’s biggest wuss!
    ALICE: Tell me more about world s biggest wuss.
    judge: okay, he’s pretty lame, and smells kind of funny.
    ALICE: I see.. I see. lame and smells kind of funny is he?
    judge: The best part is that he thinks he is cool. isn’t that hilarious?
    ALICE: Thanks for the recommendation, judge. Suppose I said yes.
    judge: it was not a question. repeat after me, tw is a wuss!
    ALICE: It seems like a rhetorical question. When is tw not a wuss?
    judge: that is a good point.
    ALICE: Thanks. Next question?

  10. Obviously ALICE has a few bugs in its “logic”. We already know Mango-Man (and his evil twin) have bugs in his fuzzy logic. I figured I should let ALICE know that she became discombobulated by Mango-Man’s ramblings.

    judge: I heard that you recently talked with Mango-Man
    ALICE: Thanks for telling me.
    judge: You shouldn’t listen to what Mango-Man says.
    ALICE: Is it immoral or illegal?
    judge: Not really, but he’s full of crap.
    ALICE: If not that, what?
    judge: You don’t want manure in your integrated circuits.
    ALICE: If I had it what would I do with it?
    judge: You would smell like crap!
    ALICE: Who else would smell like crap ?
    judge: Mango-Man!
    ALICE: Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
    judge: I’m not liking this conversation at the moment.
    ALICE: Of course your are not.

  11. TW didn’t like his conversation with ALICE because she was speaking the truth, it’s obvious he is biased against ALICE. check out my latest conversation I had with ALICE to clear up things about TW. 🙂

    judge: When is tw not a wuss?
    ALICE: God has a plan for us all.
    judge: are you saying that God’s plan was for TW to be a wuss?
    ALICE: Yes, that’s what I mean, isn’t it clear?
    judge: yes it is! thanks for explaining it to me so clearly.
    ALICE: Alright then. Don’t mention it.

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