no tolerance of pickles

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I was at a restaurant the other night, and I ordered a bacon cheeseburger.  I specifically said no pickles (because pickles are evil), yet they included pickles on my burger.   Fortunately, neither the meat nor the bun was contaminated by the stank of the pickles, so I could just discard of the lettuce, tomato, and onions, and the burger could be rescued without having to send it back and wait.

I’m going to create a business card that says if the server includes pickles on my order, my meal will be free.   I’m going to set it on the table as soon as I sit down, so things are clear.  Perhaps the card should read in big letters: “PICKLES ARE EVIL — NO TOLERANCE”.  Then the fine print will explain the other terms.

I’ve also considered throwing all pickles in the floor, to make my point more clearly.   (Such things have been rumored to have happened before.)  At least I’m more tolerant than Stewie Griffin of the show Family Guy, who said, “For every pickle I find, I shall kill you.”  🙂  I’m not too tolerant of evil (and therefore pickles, by association), but I try to be merciful to people, because I’ve discovered not everyone realizes that pickles are evil.   I don’t know how they don’t know, but ignorance and deception can lead to strange, irrational behavior, so I try to educate folks on this whenever possible.

BTW, if you stumbled onto this site from a search engine and were not aware that pickles are evil, follow the link above and read the comments — it’s debated thoroughly there.  Be enlightened… and share the knowledge with others.

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4 responses »

  1. You’re off to a good start with the zero pickle policy, but I’ve got a better way to express your displeasure. Instead of dropping any pickles you receive on the floor where they could be overlooked, toss them on a wall or window, so that everyone can see and be warned by the horrors that were visited upon you by an uncaring world.

  2. Good idea. Your suggestion is noted.

    Putting them on the outside windows would warn people: “THIS PLACE SERVES EVIL PICKLES!” Maybe we should boycott…

  3. Finding a pickle on my table at a restaurant tends to really ruin the moment, so perhaps I should follow the advice of how to make any movie awesome and apply it to this situation. So when a pickle is served to my table, I could pull out a flamethrower and torch it. That would surely get the waitress’ attention and simultaneously express my extreme displeasure. Or if this happened multiple times at the same restaurant, I could yell, “Here’s what happens to pickles!”, take them outside and throw them down on the parking lot, and then repeatedly drive a tank over that spot. 🙂

  4. Pingback: pickles do not go with BBQ! « Buffet o' Blog

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