In our weekly caption contests, when there’s something crazy going on, someone will occasionally say, “What would you do for bacon?” It’s a valid question, because bacon is awesome. I can see someone doing stupid human tricks to get bacon. But stealing bacon shouldn’t be one of them.
Last month in Little Rock, Arkansas, a man was arrested for trying to steal bacon from a grocery store. He stuffed two packages of bacon in his pants and tried to leave the store. An employee saw him trying to “abscond” with the merchandise and attempted to stop him. The two got into a fight, before several customers helped restrain him. (FYI, “abscond” is the word used in the newspaper article. I wonder if they used a thesaurus for that one.)
Who would steal two packages of bacon? Would you believe it was a 50-year-old man? I would expect him to know better. Also, he did this at 1:15 PM. Was this a planned heist? I’m guessing no.
Imagine this man in jail — a fellow inmate would ask, “What are you in for?” His crime against society is stealing two packages of bacon — by stuffing them into his pants. It’s not hard to imagine this guy getting beat up if he were to go to prison…