Category Archives: Embellished Memoirs of My Life

it’s time to save the world again

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explosion - Licorne shot, French Polynesia, 1970, 1

cookieAccording to the Mayans, the world is about to end.  I reckon I better get busy saving it.  (Yeah, I procrastinated.  Besides, last-minute heroics are much more dramatic.)  If we’re all here on the 22nd, then I was successful.  In appreciation, I’ll accept homemade chocolate-chip cookies.  Other forms of gifts may be considered.  Now, I have a job to do…

Valentine’s Day, roses, and bacon

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So yesterday was Valentine’s Day.  I was wondering why people had balloons and flowers in their cars and why my wife was mad when we ate leftovers for dinner.  It may seem like a big day now, but with the passage of time, it’s just one day among thousands.  She’ll get over it.

Okay, so that’s an embellishment.  No, scratch that — it’s an utter fabrication.  I did remember the “holiday” and got my wife a mushy card and some roses and chocolate — got nice stuff, without spending a lot of money.  Some people sure are trying to rip you off this time of year!  But that’s a rant for another post.  I started this post to talk about bacon.  Yes, bacon and Valentine’s Day can go together.  Actually, I think they should.

Supposedly red roses are all romantic, but they look good for only a few days, then they wither and die a horrible death.  But what if the roses were edible and made of bacon?  Would that not be the best “roses” ever???

To me, a guy, it seems like a great idea.  But knowing women, it might be a turrible idea.  I remember I once asked a girl (who I wasn’t dating) if she would prefer roses made of chocolate, and she was adamant that it would not be a good thing.  Apparently, “someone” decided that you had to give red roses or you’re cheap and not romantic.  Hence the huge price increase on roses in February.  It sounds like a big conspiracy to me.

Anyway, about bacon roses, what do you think?

Star Wars music on the radio

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I just got in my truck and the radio was playing the Star Wars main theme at the big majestic part, and it made me want to go save the universe.  I thought about it, but my wife really wants me to get the dishes done today, and that’s gonna take a while.  There’s some other household chores, too.  I know, saving the world is a big deal, but as the saying goes, if your wife ain’t happy, no one’s happy.  Oh well.  Such is wife.

You might be wondering what radio station I was listening to that would play Star Wars music.  It would be a good thing if all radio stations occasionally branched beyond their “top 40” policy and played all-around cool songs like the Star Wars theme.  There are a few stations now that play a wide variety, which is refreshing, but most are stuck in a deep rut.

Anyway, I was listening to KLRE 90.5 FM, which is the classical music station in Little Rock.  I know, some of you probably just tuned out (no pun intended) when I said classical music.  It’s normal these days.  Many people think they don’t like classical music, although I suspect a lot of people do but don’t realize it.  I won’t get into a long discussion on that (maybe another day), but consider this next one point.

John Williams composed all the Star Wars music (which is over 14 hours of orchestral music), along with the music for Superman, Jaws, the Indiana Jones films, E.T., Hook, Jurassic Park, Schindler’s List, Home Alone, and the first three Harry Potter films, along with many others (including most movies by Steven Spielberg).  He also composed the theme music for four Olympic Games and NBC Sunday Night Football.  The next time you watch any of these movies, listen to the music and realize most of it is classical music.

I realize the emotions of the movie make the music more memorable, but also consider that the music makes the movie more emotional.  It works both ways.  As George Lucas said, “Sound is fifty percent of the motion picture experience.”  Many of the songs from the movies referenced above can stand on their own as good music.

a shout-out to Mango-Man

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This is Thomas Wayne, preempting your regularly scheduled blog posting.  I just wanted to give a big shout-out to my BFF, Mango-Man, for helping me move some furniture the other day.  I repaid him in homemade nachos (and I think he got the better deal, because my cheese dip is legendary).

In case you aren’t aware, BFF when used by guys stands for Big Fat Friend.  🙂

no tolerance of pickles

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I was at a restaurant the other night, and I ordered a bacon cheeseburger.  I specifically said no pickles (because pickles are evil), yet they included pickles on my burger.   Fortunately, neither the meat nor the bun was contaminated by the stank of the pickles, so I could just discard of the lettuce, tomato, and onions, and the burger could be rescued without having to send it back and wait.

I’m going to create a business card that says if the server includes pickles on my order, my meal will be free.   I’m going to set it on the table as soon as I sit down, so things are clear.  Perhaps the card should read in big letters: “PICKLES ARE EVIL — NO TOLERANCE”.  Then the fine print will explain the other terms.

I’ve also considered throwing all pickles in the floor, to make my point more clearly.   (Such things have been rumored to have happened before.)  At least I’m more tolerant than Stewie Griffin of the show Family Guy, who said, “For every pickle I find, I shall kill you.”  🙂  I’m not too tolerant of evil (and therefore pickles, by association), but I try to be merciful to people, because I’ve discovered not everyone realizes that pickles are evil.   I don’t know how they don’t know, but ignorance and deception can lead to strange, irrational behavior, so I try to educate folks on this whenever possible.

BTW, if you stumbled onto this site from a search engine and were not aware that pickles are evil, follow the link above and read the comments — it’s debated thoroughly there.  Be enlightened… and share the knowledge with others.

the Important Doctor on migraines

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One day a while back I had a migraine, and I happened to run into the “Important Doctor” that occasionally writes comments on this blog, and I told him how I was trying to keep a good attitude despite the immense pain.   Do you know what he said to me?  Think on this:

At least you’re healthy enough to feel bad.

What does that even mean?  Is that supposed to make me feel better?  Is he a philosopher or a doctor?

the most interesting man in the world

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We’ve received another e-mail from guest writer Thomas Wayne, as part of his “Embellished Memoirs of my Life” series:

I’ve been seeing these commercials on TV where some guy claims to be “The Most Interesting Man in the World”.  He’s a lie!  That is me.  He’s advertising DOS version 20, or somethin’ like that, I dunno.   Whatever…  What I do know is that I am the most interesting man in the world.  I don’t know how these commercial producers can sleep at night, after putting out false misinformation like that.  I’m the original “international man of mystery”, a real “distinguished gentleman”.   Anyone who doesn’t know this as common sense is obviously uncultured.  Maybe I should sue them, for defamation of character and misrepresentation.

I’m not surprised to hear that from him.  So what do you think?  Should he press forward with pressing charges?