Category Archives: Quotes

crazy quotes by Charlie Sheen

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You’ve probably heard of the recent self-destruction of Charlie Sheen in recent interviews.  He is all kind of rambling these days… some call is Sheenglish.  I normally don’t write on Hollywood / celebrity gossip, but since this blog specializes in randomness, this fits in.   So below are some quotes by Charlie Sheen, just from the past couple of weeks.  At this time, people are wondering if he’s on drugs or if he’s gone crazy (in the literal sense).  So far it sounds like all-of-the-above.  BTW, I didn’t bother to include the context for these quotes because they still don’t make sense even with it.

“I am on a drug. It’s called ‘Charlie Sheen!’ It’s not available because if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

“I’m a high priest vatican assassin warlock. I don’t know. All these words just sound cool together. They come from my grand wizard master.”

“When you’ve got tiger blood and Adonis DNA, it’s like, get with the program dude.”

“I’ve been the aw-shucks guy with this … rockstar life, so now I’m going to completely embrace it. I’m going to wrap both arms around it and love it violently, and defend it violently, through violent hatred.”

“I am a peaceful man with bad intentions.”

“You borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like dude, can’t handle it, unplug this… It fires in a way that is, I don’t know, maybe not from this terrestrial realm.”

“I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm [show creator Chuck Lorrie] with my words – imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.”

“I’m sorry man, I got magic and I’ve got poetry in my fingertips, you know, most of the time, and this includes naps. I’m an F-18, bro.”

“There are parts of me that are Dennis Hopper.”

“[CBS] picked a fight with a warlock.”

“I think I’m worth over $1 billion but that’s just on a cellular level.”

“I dare anyone to debate me on things.”

[On salary expectations] “I’m not [broke] but I was kind of counting on some of that money to get me through the summer. Now I’ve got to like work. But that’s alright. Work’s good. Work fuels the soul.”

On that last one he sounds like a professional athlete… Still illogical considering he was making $2 million per episode, but at least he was on topic for a change.

As someone who is familiar with the flowing of randomness, I’m impressed by just how random his word associations are.  It’s hard to imagine how someone in their right mind could be quite that random that often.   It sounds like we are witnessing a train wreck in progress — you don’t want to see it happen, but yet you can’t hardly look away…

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funny security guard at Brownsville revival

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This post will bring back humorous memories for those who attended the Brownsville revival in Pensacola, Florida.  There was a certain security guard who kept people in line when the doors were opened.   (If you never went during its peak of popularity, people would wait outside the church ALL DAY to get into the service.  Seriously, people would be waiting in line at 7:00 AM, and the doors opened at 6:00 PM.)  This particular guard had a megaphone, and he always said the same things.  The way he said it was funny, and it was in Ebonics, which made it even better.  Here’s a sample:

“Single file line!
SINGLE FILE LINE, FOLKS!
Watch yo’ step!
No drank, cooluh, backpack, large bag, or umbuhrella will be allow in de santuareh!
Watch yo’ step!
Single file line, folks!
Watch yo’ STEP!
Hold yo’ seat!
Do not move from yo’ seat until you are told!
You may lose yo’ seat!
Watch yo’ step!”

I miss those times… not only the services, but the incredible fellowship we had on those trips.  Road trips can be a great time (if you have the right people — some folks let they attitude get musty when sittin’ in a car all day).

BTW, when our church has a revival with folks waiting outside before the doors open, I’m gonna make sure somebody with a similar style of speaking has a megaphone to continue the tradition.

funny quotes, issue #78

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Here’s a few funny quotes collected by our resident quotesmith, for your reading enjoyment today.

If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.

Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)

I don’t like hypothetical situations because it is like lying to your brain. ~ Jack McBrayer

I would’ve made a great comedian… it’s just that I hate it when people laugh at me. 🙂 ~ Mango-Man

Mustaches grow on you after a while…

I don’t kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, “Whoa, I’m way too high.” ~ Bruce Baum

I’m surprised more people don’t appreciate this obvious dieting tip: If you want to lose a significant amount of weight, it’s important to start out really fat. ~ Joseph Moore

That’s all for now, so a certain reader won’t say my posts are too long.  🙂   If you want to read more random quotes, be sure to click on the Quotes category in the sidebar.  There’s more where this came from…

funny quotes about Mondays, part 2

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One of the more popular pages here at Buffet o’ Blog is random Monday quotes.  Since that was published, I’ve come across even more humorous quotes about Mondays.  So consider this post part 2.

There is a technical meteorological term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days.  It’s called a “Monday”.

“Boy, is it ever Monday!” ~ Strong Bad

“I’m far too cool to come in on Monday mornings.” ~ Turtle Dundee, when he was taking a vacation day on Monday

“Mondays are stupid!” ~ Mango-Man

“I decree Monday as part of the weekend.   And while I’m busy decreeing I’m also gonna add Friday into the weekend as well.   It’s really better off that way… since no one really gets much done on Friday anyway.  🙂  That just leaves Tuesday through Thursday… so I can deal with that!  Especially since I’ve also decreed that the work day shall not start until 10!  So along with the mandatory 2-hour lunch and leaving at 4 (in order to miss the traffic of course) I think I’ve found a good “balance” of life and work… especially when you factor in the new improved longer bathroom breaks and the personal masseuse that now comes standard with all work cubes — they stand behind you while you work and massage your shoulders and back so you can be more productive.   They also run short errands for you to bring you other essentials to you being productive (for example snacks, TEA, Legos!).” ~ Mango-Man, 9/2/08

Yanni’s inspiration for his music

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YanniFab called me the other night to tell me that Yanni was on TV, performing a concert.   I’m not a Yanni fan — his music makes me sleepy and bored — but it can be amusing / funny because some of his playing is so predictable, and because his “emotive acts” are over-acted.  He sometimes makes fist pumps during mellow music, and he waves his arms around at various times.  And in his music, there’s often a certain “turn” that appears in many songs multiple times.

Speaking of Yanni, I came across one of his quotes one time, and it reveals something about his life and why his music is like it is:

I take life’s experiences and translate them into music. ~ Yanni

What that says to me is that Yanni needs to get out more and get some excitement in his life!   He has put out a LOT of mellow music, so maybe he needs to add some exciting events to give him more exciting inspiration for his music.   Perhaps he could follow a professional or collegiate sports team, or watch action movies, or read this blog, etc.

Yanni has also said at times that he doesn’t listen to music.  That seems quite ironic, given that he is a musician.  I wonder what effect it would have on his music if he listened to some of the great music out there…

you need fire for success

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I like to collect quotes.   So many of them are filled with nuggets of wisdom, while others are humorous.  But then there are some that I just don’t understand.   Like this one:

“Success isn’t a result of spontaneous combustion.  You must set yourself on fire.” ~ Arnold H. Glasow

Maybe that’s success for him, but personally, I don’t consider setting myself on fire to be “success”.  I reckon we just have different goals.  But since his is so strange, he shouldn’t make a broad statement like that.  But I will say this — as a hobby, setting things on fire is fun, but most experts agree that it’s typically not in your best interests to set yourself on fire.

Success for most people would probably involve inheriting or winning millions of dollars, acquiring your own private island, having all the latest technology, and sitting around eating Cheetos and playing video games all day.

quotes about bacon

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I’m going to continue the bacon theme for one more post.  This time I’m going to list a few quotes about bacon.  (This is not all the quotes I have that refer to bacon, but the ones mostly about bacon.)  Enjoy…

I’m not Canadian, although I tend to like their bacon.

Cookin’ MC’s like a pound of bacon. ~ Vanilla Ice, in “Ice Ice Baby”

If it can’t be fried in bacon grease, it ain’t worth cooking, let alone eating. ~ Southern proverb

I’m never gonna get used to the 31st century.  Caffeinated bacon?  Baconated grapefruit?  ADMIRAL Crunch? ~ Fry, from Futurama

I used to have trouble choking down the pills I have to take for controlling my cholesterol, but it’s a lot easier now that I wrap them in bacon. ~ Brad Simanek

The other week, while sitting over a bacon omelet and rambling on about how much I love the “bacon, egg, cheese on toast combo”, a good buddy looks across the table at me and utters a sentence I may never forget as long as I live: “Yeah, because bacon is the candy bar of meat.” ~ Adam McArthur

I’d forgotten what an honest sandwich it is.  For those of you not familiar, “BLT” stands for “bacon, lettuce, and tomato”.  A lot of people think the “B” stands for “bread”, and I can understand someone not wanting a lettuce and tomato sandwich.  But, the bread is implied in the word “sandwich”.  Anyway, it’s an American original.  Everyone should have a BLT as soon as they can. ~ Stephen Colbert

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon. ~ Doug Larson

As soon as I learned what the smell of bacon was, I learned how to make it. ~ Rush Limbaugh

There’s egg and bacon; egg, sausage and bacon; egg and spam; bacon and spam; egg, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam; spam, spam, spam, egg and spam; spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam; or lobster thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce garnished with truffle pate’, brandy and a fried egg on top of spam. ~ Monty Python

Veggie bacon?!?  That sounds like a sign of the Apocalypse. ~ Turtle Dundee

If you want to see the recent posts about bacon, click here to search the site for “bacon”.