Tag Archives: chicken

caption contest, chicken offering food to accordion player

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This week’s caption contest may be late, but at least it’s here.  It shows a person in a chicken costume offering food to a man playing an accordion.  As usual, I have no idea what’s supposed to be going on here, so just make something up.

(To see our other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)

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caption contest, chicken on a motorcycle

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It’s that time again… time for a CAPTION CONTEST!

As usual, write a caption for the photo below.  You can write from any point-of-view — yours, the main people in the picture, people in the background, people off-screen, an overly-dramatic narrator, whatever.  Just keep it clean.  Yes, it’s that simple.

guy-in-chicken-suit-on-motorcycle

(To see the other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)

viewer mail, issue #13

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It’s about time to open the viewer mailbag again.  I have some time-specific ones about Halloween which might prove helpful to people with questions, plus there’s some general issues to discuss.  As always, these are actual search terms that people used to find this site.

  • what to do with old pumpkins — With it being close to Halloween, a lot of people are probably wondering about this.  I didn’t make a trip to the pumpkin patch to get one, but I know of people who did.   Anyway, I e-mailed the Buffet o’ Blog staff to see what they thought, and here are the options they presented: A) catapult; B) fire; C) both A and B.  Another suggestion was to line up a few hundred pumpkins on the train tracks, then wait for a train to plow through them.   That would be awesome to see.  (Of course, the standard disclaimer applies to these ideas: we are not responsible for any of the stupid stuff you do.)
  • cycling calories burned smell — So when you’re riding your bicycle for exercise, you encounter a burnt smell?  Well, the truth is, you can’t smell calories burning.   You might not want to know what that smell is, but I should probably tell you so you will know.  It’s either sweat or gas.  I don’t know that cycling gives you gas, but the act of cycling may cause more release of gaseous fumes.
  • pickles burn calories — I’ve never heard this, but it could possibly be true.   But even if pickles do lead to the burning of calories (and thus exercise in some form), you don’t want to take this route.  Let me explain.  Pickles are evil.  That’s well-documented at that link.  The side-effect (or full-effect) of eating pickles is not fully understood by scientists, but some important scientists suspect pickles turn people into zombies.   The way this can burn calories is that your body has a natural immune system, which will try to fight off the effect of the evil pickles.   But there’s no guarantee that you will win.  So just don’t eat pickles!   There are much better ways to burn calories.
  • subservient chicken — This is not as good an idea as you might suppose.   Burger King created one online a few years ago, and the page is still there.  We’ve written on this before, and the link to him is at that post.  He can do some stunts and even dance for you, but if you tell him something useful like “bring me nachos”, he does weird stuff and never brings me any nachos.
  • is fat bigger than obese — Interesting question.   Everyone has fat, but of course not everyone is obese, so I’d say obese is bigger.  To get technical with it, obesity is when you have so much excess body fat that your health is negatively affected.  So I reckon if your body fat is not excess — that is, it’s how much you want — then you’re not obese.  Or even if you’re fat or “big-boned” but still have good health, then you’re not obese.  So maybe it has to do with how you look at it.  From a scientific standpoint, it is generally agreed that you’re obese if you’re a man with more than 25% body fat or a woman with more than 33% body fat.  I could explain why those numbers are different, but this is a family-friendly blog…  AWW-RIGHT!

Well, this has been fun, but I have stuff to do, so I’m calling this issue finished.  Besides, some people say these posts get too long (which means they have the attention span of a cheese sandwich).   If you want to read more, you can catch up on the other issues here.

the special days of September, pt 1

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As we’ve done in previous months, we’re going to look at the special days and holidays of this month.   As usual, this is not a complete list — those can be found elsewhere.   But I guarantee you will not find another list like this one.   This is not a mere list, because we add our own unique commentary and analysis.  In other words, we try to make it more fun.   And you are welcome to add to the discussion in the comments section.

Let’s get started with the month-long celebrations and observances in September:

  • Classical Music Month — I know, some people equate classical music with elevator music or new age music or Yanni, and that’s not accurate at all.   Some of it jams.   I’ve heard someone say, “People who don’t like classical music just don’t listen to it loud enough.”  There might be some truth to that.   Also, don’t forget that a lot of your action movies have classical music in them.  Take notice next time…
  • International Square Dancing Month — I’m not much into square dancing, but if it’s your thing, more power to ya.  But I do have one bit of advice which I heard on Lester “Roadhog” Moran’s album Live at the Johnny Mack Brown High School: if you change partners, be sure to change back!  Failure to revert to your original partner can cause some “disagreements”, as evidenced on Roadhog’s album.  AWW-RIGHT!
  • National Courtesy Month — Courtesy can be applied to many areas, so this is a good idea.  If there’s only one piece of fried chicken left, it’s good courtesy to offer it to me.   Or if you’re in a multi-stall public bathroom, a courtesy flush is much appreciated.  I could go on, but you get the idea…
  • National Chicken Month — Speaking of fried chicken…  There’s a lot of ways to cook chicken that is excellent.   Of course, you can’t go wrong with fried chicken.  There’s also Mexican Chicken, which is my favorite dish.   Mmm…
  • National Piano Month — More focus on music — I like it!  The piano is my favorite musical instrument.  This would be a good month to go hear a live performance, like at a local college or university, or if a professional artist is in the state.  Or if you’ve always wanted to play, start taking lessons.  (I do offer lessons, but even if you don’t learn from me, it’s a great skill to develop.)
  • National Honey Month — Supposedly honey is the only food that never spoils.   Whether that’s true or not, I just know that I like honey, especially on some warm rolls…  Mmm…
  • Self Improvement Month — Here at Buffet o’ Blog, we encourage people to laugh more, which is a form of self-improvement.  The world really needs more laughter.   If you want more meaty forms of self-improvement, check out my other blog.
  • Better Breakfast Month — I’m all for this!  Now, some health nuts may argue that this means eating a healthier breakfast, but that’s not the case here.  If that’s what the holiday’s creator wanted, he/she should’ve called it Healthier Breakfast Month.  But it’s “better”.   And the definition of “better” includes “superior to another in desirability”, which for me, would mean more bacon, sausage, eggs, biscuits and gravy, chocolate milk, etc.  There’s no need to even debate this, as far as I’m concerned.   🙂
  • National Rice Month — Most of the world eats rice on a regular basis, particularly those in poverty.  So please take a few minutes to play the Free Rice game to donate rice to those in need.   Remember, it costs you nothing but a few minutes.
  • Read-A-New-Book Month — If you don’t like reading, you just haven’t found the right books.  Even if you read humor or comic books or scientific books or historical books, there’s got to be something you’d enjoy.  Plus, reading is good for you: it stimulates (exercises) your brain, plus you learn things you didn’t know before.   And it’s good to learn, so you’ll be less ignorant.   🙂

Now let’s look at the week-long observances in September:

  • 2nd Week: International Housekeepers Week — I wish I had a housekeeper, so I didn’t have to ever do dishes and clean the bathrooms…
  • 3rd Week: National Farm Animals Awareness Week — Most of us don’t see farm animals very often anymore, at least in live form.   So when you’re eating farm animals this week, be thankful and appreciate of how tasty they are.
  • 3rd Week: National Flower Week — I know who this is for…  🙂
  • 4th Week: National Dog Week — Dogs are much better than flowers, at least to most guys…  🙂  With women, that might be debatable, although it shouldn’t be.

This list is getting considerably long, so I’m going to break it up into several posts.  Click here to search for the other posts on the special days of September.

how to eat a chicken sandwich

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Today I was out on the town during the lunch hour, so I stopped by Chick-fil-A to get a chicken sandwich.  (Is there a better chicken sandwich?  That is, getting it without pickles and adding cheese and mayo.)  Anyway, I’ve always eaten it with my hands, because that’s what you do with sandwiches.  But the woman at the drive-thru window put a straw in my bag, even though I didn’t order a beverage.  What was that for?  Did she expect me to use the straw to drink my sandwich?  Silly woman… straws are for beverages!

the special days of May, pt 2

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Now we will continue our look at the special days of May.  This part will focus on holidays or observances on individual days.

  • 1 May Day — This is supposed to be a celebration of spring and the coming of summer.  In Hawaii, it’s known as “Lei Day”.  In many countries, it’s a one to three day holiday.  If it means getting off work, we should celebrate it here in the U.S.
  • 1 Space Day — I suppose you can just stare off into space this day.  It would be great if we could all get a free trip to space, so we can really appreciate it.  But that’s probably not in the space exploration budget…
  • 3 Lumpy Rug Day — Uhh… what exactly are you supposed to celebrate here?  I’d figure you don’t want your rug to be lumpy… but to each his own.
  • 4 Bird Day — This holiday has gone to the birds…
  • 4 National Candied Orange Peel Day — What?  I didn’t know people even did this?  Why?
  • 4 National Weather Observers’ Day — I sometimes observe the weather, so I reckon this is a day for me!  Maybe there will be a thunderstorm with lots of lightning on this day!
  • 5 Cinco de Mayo — I hear a lot of people talk about this holiday every year, but it’s supposed to be a day to be proud of your Hispanic descent.  So it doesn’t apply to me (or most of the people I hear talking about it).
  • 5 National Hoagie Day — This is a holiday I can support.  This day you should eat a large hoagie / sub / hero sandwich, piling on the toppings of your choice.  Remember, since it’s a holiday, diets don’t apply, so add all the toppings you want (including bacon).
  • 6 Beverage Day — My favorite beverage is sweet tea, specifically BOH tea from Malaysia (which is difficult to acquire in these parts).  But I drink this regularly, so for it to be a special day, restaurants ought to make beverages be free.  It sounds reasonable to me.  🙂
  • 6 No Diet Day — This is what I’m talking about!  This should be a holiday every month!  Like it says, no diets apply, so eat whatever you want this day.
  • 7 National Tourism Day — If we’re supposed to support tourism on this day, that means we need to be off work!  You can’t be a tourist in your home area, so you need time off work to travel around.
  • 8 No Socks Day — The person who created this day professes that not wearing socks will reduce your laundry load, therefore it’s good for the environment.  If that’s true, we might as well take it a step further.  Just stay home this day, wearing only your underwear, and playing video games.  🙂
  • 9 Lost Sock Memorial Day — A memorial for lost socks?  There’s no need to get mushy or sentimental over that!  Just buy some new socks.  Although, if you happen to have a problem of mad goats eating socks out of your dryer, then that could get expensive, but you might want to do something about that…
  • 10 Clean up Your Room Day — Let’s not and pretend we did…
  • 11 Mother’s Day — I’m very thankful that my mom had me.  You should be, too.  Because if I hadn’t been born, the world would really be missing out…  🙂
  • pizza11 Eat What You Want Day — Obviously diets don’t apply on this day, either, because what I want doesn’t fit into normal diets.  Hmm, what should I eat this day?  Pizza is always a good choice, and cheeseburgers, and nachos, and Mexican all-you-can-eat places would be a great place to go, and seafood buffets, and fudge brownies and ice cream with chocolate syrup drizzled over it, and I could go on.  This really needs to be more than one day!!!
  • 11 Twilight Zone Day — Dun dun DUN!
  • 12 Fatigue Syndrome Day — One of the suggested activities today is to sleep in.
  • 12 Limerick Day — If you want to flex your poetic non-muscles, this is the day.  Perhaps someone would like to write one in the comments section.  (Any time is fine.)
  • 13 Leprechaun Day — Has anyone ever seen one of these Irish midgets?  (Or is it a faerie?)  If you catch one, ask him where his treasure is hidden, because he’s supposed to tell you.  I could use some extra treasure, so let me know if you know where one is.
  • 14 Dance Like a Chicken Day — Do chickens dance?  I dunno.  According to one website, this is a “tradition at every wedding reception”.  I’m glad we didn’t know about it at my wedding!  There were way too many people with cameras there for me to act the fool.  But I don’t believe that anyway — I think they’re just making that up, trying to make people act stupid for others’ enjoyment.
  • chocolate chip cookies15 National Chocolate Chip Day — This is a most excellent use of a holiday (much better than the last one!).  This day, you should eat as many chocolate chip cookies as you want.  And have plenty of milk handy, too.  I don’t know why, but milk goes really well with chocolate chip cookies.

This list is getting considerably long, so I’m going to continue it in the next post.  (Click here to search for the other ones.)