According to the Mayans, the world is about to end. I reckon I better get busy saving it. (Yeah, I procrastinated. Besides, last-minute heroics are much more dramatic.) If we’re all here on the 22nd, then I was successful. In appreciation, I’ll accept homemade chocolate-chip cookies. Other forms of gifts may be considered. Now, I have a job to do…
This week the Oreo cookie turned 100 years old. What a great invention it was! Can you imagine how the inventor felt when he first created it? And when he first dipped it in milk?
Here’s a “fact” about Oreos you may not know. There are 3 rows of Oreos per package because there are actually just 3 servings per package. That makes it easy to limit yourself to one serving per serving. 🙂
That may not pass intellectual muster, but here’s a true fact. Sales of Oreos in 2011 were over $2 billion. That’s a LOT of cookies! On a semi-related note, Kraft Foods, who owns the Oreo brand, also sells Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, which is turning 75 this year.
I wonder what the next great food-related invention will be… We tend to take great food for granted, but there are times in history when there was no such thing as chocolate-chip cookies, or Oreos, or Cheetos, or cheese dip. (I can’t imagine life without cheese dip!) There has to be some next great food out there just waiting to be discovered.
I was recently in the Denver, Colorado, area for a week, and I stayed two nights at a Comfort Inn. When I first arrived and checked in, I was impressed by a basket filled with warm cookies, including the chocolate-chip variety. That makes a great first impression! Sadly, the cookies had limited availability at other times, sometimes with no basket there whatsoever. It appears you just had to be lucky to be there when there were cookies.
I realize having a cookie buffet will result in some customers taking multiple cookies, some even hoarding some for later, but surely the value of positive word-of-mouth (such as this) would be much greater than the cost of a few cookies! So why don’t more places do this?
Imagine how great the world would be if more places offered warm cookies for free…
This week’s caption contest features both desserts and Star Wars humor, so it’s bound to be good! The photo is of an Imperial Stormtrooper carrying a tray of food, which looks to be some sort of cookies or donuts. I’m not sure what the food is nor what is going on, but that’s okay, because you get to write the context. If you think of something funny explaining what could be going on here, let us know in a comment. Or even if it doesn’t explain the story but is funny, that’s fine. Just keep it clean and make it funny.
(To see our other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)
Here at Buffet o’ Blog I often write about topics I find humorous, although sometimes the topic turns to food. So when I found these videos that combine humor and food, I had to write about it.
There’s an online food show called “Worst Foods Hall of Shame”. The basic premise is that the host tries unusual recipes that are sent in by readers. As you might guess by the title, some of the concoctions are nasty. But there are some that you’ve probably never heard of but will be tempted to make. The episode linked below has one of each.
In this video the host, Shawn McKee, tries 3 reader-submitted recipes. The first involves Chips Ahoy chocolate chip cookies topped with sliced cheese. He says they’re okay but missing something, so he improvises and adds maple syrup. The second recipe consists of chocolate cake donuts topped with can tuna (packed in oil). That one sounds incredibly gross. He tries it, and says, “It’s even worse than you’d think it would be. Oily tuna on a chocolate donut? Amazing… amazingly bad.” His third recipe is called “crack weenies”, which are made from smokies and bacon, and it sounds good. (Perhaps we’ll try that last one at a future Buffet o’ Bacon event.)
In that video, he references “bacon candy”. If you’re still reading, I figure you’re interested, like I am. So here’s that video. (A short synopsis is candy made from butter and sugar, a gelatinous mix made from cottage cheese, Jello, and ranch dressing, and then bacon candy. Only one of those am I interested in trying.)
One of my regular readers recently pointed out that I haven’t written an issue of viewer mail in a while, and what they said was true. There’s no good excuse for that, but to appease certain people, I’ll make an excuse anyway: I had stuff to do. 🙂
But enough rambling, well, rambling without a point, anyway. Let’s get to the viewer mail. As always, these are actual search terms that led people to this blog. I will provide answers, advice, skepticism, ridicule, or whatever is necessary in response to these phrases.
- newly invented vitamins and minerals — I have nothing against science and inventing, but I don’t think we need more vitamins and minerals. I already have enough trouble eating all of them I’m supposed to. HOWEVER, if these new vitamins and minerals can somehow make things like bacon and gravy healthy, then I’m all for it! That would be a great invention — not only would you improve the quality of life of millions of people, but you’d make billions of dollars!
- “survive a volcanic eruption” — I can help you here. The key for survival in that situation is to be far away. It’s really that simple. You really want to avoid the hot molten magma / lava, because it can burn through almost anything, including concrete and steel. So it’s best to be far away. And don’t try to cook marshmallows or hot dogs over the lava, because it can reach 2000 degrees; thus your food will melt, as will you.
- friends that are too cool — It’s unfortunate this happens, but it’s a way of life. Your only options are to either improve yourself, or just give them their space. We had a guest editorial by Thomas Wayne about this one time, so you can read a few people’s thoughts on it in the comments on that post.
- cookies for breakfast — Some health nuts may say cookies are not a “breakfast food” or that they aren’t suitable for breakfast somehow. To that I say “hogwash!”. I have conducted my own extensive research in this area, and the results are conclusive that cookies make a great breakfast. Milk is a good beverage of choice to go with your breakfast of cookies.
- smoking/oxygen — I’m glad you brought this up, whoever you are. Have you ever realized that smoking cigarettes and cigars burns oxygen out of our atmosphere? Thus smoking contributes to global warming! You probably won’t hear Al Gore mention that, because it might make some people mad, but I’m not afraid to rock the boat.
Well, that’s all we have time for today. I really do have stuff to do. 🙂 Be sure to check out the other issues of viewer mail for more answers to the stuff you’re searching for.
Now we will continue our look at the special days of May. This part will focus on holidays or observances on individual days.
- 1 May Day — This is supposed to be a celebration of spring and the coming of summer. In Hawaii, it’s known as “Lei Day”. In many countries, it’s a one to three day holiday. If it means getting off work, we should celebrate it here in the U.S.
- 1 Space Day — I suppose you can just stare off into space this day. It would be great if we could all get a free trip to space, so we can really appreciate it. But that’s probably not in the space exploration budget…
- 3 Lumpy Rug Day — Uhh… what exactly are you supposed to celebrate here? I’d figure you don’t want your rug to be lumpy… but to each his own.
- 4 Bird Day — This holiday has gone to the birds…
- 4 National Candied Orange Peel Day — What? I didn’t know people even did this? Why?
- 4 National Weather Observers’ Day — I sometimes observe the weather, so I reckon this is a day for me! Maybe there will be a thunderstorm with lots of lightning on this day!
- 5 Cinco de Mayo — I hear a lot of people talk about this holiday every year, but it’s supposed to be a day to be proud of your Hispanic descent. So it doesn’t apply to me (or most of the people I hear talking about it).
- 5 National Hoagie Day — This is a holiday I can support. This day you should eat a large hoagie / sub / hero sandwich, piling on the toppings of your choice. Remember, since it’s a holiday, diets don’t apply, so add all the toppings you want (including bacon).
- 6 Beverage Day — My favorite beverage is sweet tea, specifically BOH tea from Malaysia (which is difficult to acquire in these parts). But I drink this regularly, so for it to be a special day, restaurants ought to make beverages be free. It sounds reasonable to me. 🙂
- 6 No Diet Day — This is what I’m talking about! This should be a holiday every month! Like it says, no diets apply, so eat whatever you want this day.
- 7 National Tourism Day — If we’re supposed to support tourism on this day, that means we need to be off work! You can’t be a tourist in your home area, so you need time off work to travel around.
- 8 No Socks Day — The person who created this day professes that not wearing socks will reduce your laundry load, therefore it’s good for the environment. If that’s true, we might as well take it a step further. Just stay home this day, wearing only your underwear, and playing video games. 🙂
- 9 Lost Sock Memorial Day — A memorial for lost socks? There’s no need to get mushy or sentimental over that! Just buy some new socks. Although, if you happen to have a problem of mad goats eating socks out of your dryer, then that could get expensive, but you might want to do something about that…
- 10 Clean up Your Room Day — Let’s not and pretend we did…
- 11 Mother’s Day — I’m very thankful that my mom had me. You should be, too. Because if I hadn’t been born, the world would really be missing out… 🙂
- 11 Eat What You Want Day — Obviously diets don’t apply on this day, either, because what I want doesn’t fit into normal diets. Hmm, what should I eat this day? Pizza is always a good choice, and cheeseburgers, and nachos, and Mexican all-you-can-eat places would be a great place to go, and seafood buffets, and fudge brownies and ice cream with chocolate syrup drizzled over it, and I could go on. This really needs to be more than one day!!!
- 11 Twilight Zone Day — Dun dun DUN!
- 12 Fatigue Syndrome Day — One of the suggested activities today is to sleep in.
- 12 Limerick Day — If you want to flex your poetic non-muscles, this is the day. Perhaps someone would like to write one in the comments section. (Any time is fine.)
- 13 Leprechaun Day — Has anyone ever seen one of these Irish midgets? (Or is it a faerie?) If you catch one, ask him where his treasure is hidden, because he’s supposed to tell you. I could use some extra treasure, so let me know if you know where one is.
- 14 Dance Like a Chicken Day — Do chickens dance? I dunno. According to one website, this is a “tradition at every wedding reception”. I’m glad we didn’t know about it at my wedding! There were way too many people with cameras there for me to act the fool. But I don’t believe that anyway — I think they’re just making that up, trying to make people act stupid for others’ enjoyment.
- 15 National Chocolate Chip Day — This is a most excellent use of a holiday (much better than the last one!). This day, you should eat as many chocolate chip cookies as you want. And have plenty of milk handy, too. I don’t know why, but milk goes really well with chocolate chip cookies.
This list is getting considerably long, so I’m going to continue it in the next post. (Click here to search for the other ones.)