Tag Archives: gas

Why is gas $9.99/gallon?

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I saw this the other day while driving around central Arkansas.

gas prices 9.99 (not really) - July 2013

Fortunately it’s not true!  But that’s the actual sign — no Photoshop or other editing.  The gas station / truck stop has been completely demolished, to be rebuilt bigger and better.

They tore it down the old-fashioned way rather than blowing it up.  I can understand there being some logistical issues with exploding a gas station, but it would’ve been really awesome to see (albeit from a safe distance).  Plus there’s another gas station across the street, so you’d get a bonus two-for-one explosion!  There is also a nearby car lot, which would probably result in more explosions.  And there’s a large billion-dollar company close also.  So the collateral damage would get expensive really quick, and thus this cannot happen.

explosion, Gaza Strip, from Israeli F-16 jet, Jan. 3, 2009

I suppose that’s why we have movies and video games — so we can virtually experience such things.  But even with a large HDTV and nice surround-sound system, you still don’t get the full impact of a real explosion.  Besides the lacking bass, you don’t get to feel the resulting shockwave from a large explosion.  I wonder if movie theaters will ever be able to simulate that.  (There’s a project for our R&D department…)  🙂

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new music that’s funny and random

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I recently heard about a new music album that is both funny and random, so naturally it’s a good fit for this blog.  The album is called “Bringin’ da Phat”, by DJ Turbo-Lax and MC Refried Breeze.  That should tell you something about it right there.  (I tell ya, you can find anything on the Internet!)  As you might surmise by the artist names, the songs have random acts of flatulence in them.  So that automatically divides the audience.  If you get offended by such things, you’ve been forewarned.  But if you can laugh at farting, you might hurt yourself laughing at these songs.

I listen to a lot of music, but I must admit I’ve never heard anything like this before.  The beat changes often, jumping between genres at will.  You will be surprised.  The vocal phrases and utterings combined with the sound effects are hilarious.  So perhaps it’s “toilet humor”, but it’s clean, other than the resulting skid marks.  Some of the beats jam, too.

You can listen to it for free at Spotify, although you have to install the player if you haven’t already.  It’s also available for purchase at eMusic, Amazon, and iTunes.  Of course you can listen to samples of the tracks on those last 3 sites.

Regarding the album art, yeah, it might be a low-budget production, but the sound quality is good, and in addition to hearing a cornucopia of beats, it will make you laugh.  Not many songs can say that.

So if you can stomach this kind of humor, I recommend checking it out.

a conversation going downhill

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Someone on the Buffet o’ Blog staff recently forwarded an e-card that sparked an interesting chain of e-mails:

Of course such a statement will not go unchallenged, and that’s what amped up this conversation.  (Besides the fun of it, we have to keep each other humble…)  Someone replied with “That gives me gas…”  So then someone modified the picture to reflect the next phase:

And it was said that that picture is what the original sender should have sent out the first time.  So that just provoked further modification:

That’s just wrong… funny, but wrong.  Found out later it was supposed to say “bad case”, but it works either way.  Then someone replied, “It looks like somebody supersized your order of butt nuggets.”  I was kinda afraid of the conversation continuing down that road…  I’m not exactly sure what a butt nugget is, but I’m sure I don’t want any part of it!

This whole exchange reminded me of a quote:

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction into a battle of wits and add drama to an otherwise dull day.

That’s exactly what happened here.

Are dinosaurs extinct because of their farting?

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In the news recently, British scientists (“boffins”) have announced that dinosaurs’ reckless farting might have led to their extinction.  Read for yourself:

Dinosaurs may have farted themselves to extinction, according to a new study from British scientists.

The researchers calculated that the prehistoric beasts pumped out more than 520 million tons (472 million tonnes) of methane a year — enough to warm the planet and hasten their own eventual demise.

Until now, an asteroid strike and volcanic activity around 65 million years ago had seemed the most likely cause of their extinction. …

“Our calculations suggest these dinosaurs may have produced more methane than all the modern sources, natural and human, put together.”

“Not the momma!”

Yeah, I called it reckless farting.  (Have you ever heard those two words together before?)  It’s bad enough to just fart whenever you want, but when the air becomes unsuitable for life, it’s time to change policy.  I realize they’re just animals, but you’d think they could’ve figured it out.  Even animals can learn by conditioning (like Pavlov’s dogs).  Here, you’d think after millions of years, they’d figure out a disturbing pattern.  Por ejemplo: [fart]  “Whew, that stinks.”  [fart again]  “That’s some stank-terribleness.”  [fart again]  “I can hardly breathe…”  [fart again]  “I’m about to die!”  The pattern is obvious.

Doesn’t it seem odd that there are people who get paid to calculate how much dinosaurs passed gas?  Imagine meeting new people and they ask you what you do — “I study dinosaur farts.”  You’d get some weird reactions, I’m sure.  But you’d be a hit at the elementary school on bring-your-parent-to-school day.  🙂

explaining Japan’s nuclear situation to children

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Someone sent me a video of a cartoon character named Nuclear Boy, who explains the nuclear disaster in Japan, but in a format for children.  This video (below) has captioning translated to English.  Apparently it was designed by someone in Japan, so I don’t think it’s meant to make light of the situation, just putting it in terms children can relate to, like passing gas / farting, poo, and diarrhea.  Yeah, this video compares radiation emissions to gas, and a complete meltdown like Chernobyl is diarrhea.

Just to be clear, this is not to make fun of what’s happening in Japan right now.  My heart goes out to them.  I can’t imagine what they’re going through.

This video is a lighter take on it, for children — well, also for teenagers and adults who are still fascinated by flatulence and poop.  Not everyone understands nuclear meltdown, but everyone understands diarrhea.

The name of the video translated into English is: A Nuclear Reactor Explained by Poop and Farts: Nuclear Reactor Boy’s Tummy Ache.

I’ve wondered if this is an actual translation, so I looked at the comments on the original video, and someone there translated it very similar, so it appears legit, as far as I know.

the Better Marriage Blanket

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Mango-Man sent us a link about a product called the “Better Marriage Blanket”.  It supposedly eliminates the problem of passing gas when you’re sharing a bed with your spouse.  You should watch the video!

Now that you know what it’s all about, click play again and listen to the first few seconds.  That was not silent but deadly!  I don’t see how the blanket is gonna do anything about that!

There’s actually an official website for this Better Marriage Blanket (but you might not want to go there, because there’s pop-ups when you try to close it).   There you learn that it “contains the same type of fabric used by the military to protect against chemical weapons”.  Hmm…  And supposedly “the blanket will not smell bad after use”.

I don’t figure I’ll be getting one of these, because I don’t have a problem with flatulence.  But if any of you reading this have tried it, let us know how it works for you.  Was unbridled flatulence destroying your marriage, and this carbon-filter blanket saved the day?   Inquiring minds want to know!

free remix of MP3 comedy song

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One of my friends was playing around with his keyboard and some effects it had, like looping drum beats and having laughter tied to the synth part.  He recorded it and sent it to me, just to show what he had done.  It seemed to be lacking something, so I forwarded it to D.J. Funky Dogg, who added some music effects to it, along with various sound effects and vocal utterances (plus some, uhh, other utterances).   It’s quite funny, if you find flatulence funny.  So I’m providing the download link for those who enjoy such things.  Just so you know, the file is about 1MB and the song is about 1 minute long.

First, a couple of disclaimers:

1) Obviously, if you are offended by the audible passing of gas, you should not download this free MP3.
2) If you are around people who can’t handle “potty humor”, you should listen on headphones.
3) If you are at work in a cubicle farm, go ahead and crank it up on your computer speakers — it’ll make everyone’s day a little more surreal.  🙂  (Though if folks think you’re uncouth, that’s yo’ problem!)
4) If you hurt yourself laughing, you don’t laugh often enough.  Subscribe to this blog and review the archives for help with that.
5) If you laugh at this, you can forward the link to this post to your friends who also appreciate this brand of humor.  That’s all we ask.

Okay, with that out of the way, here’s the link: Test Rekkerd (Stank Drawz Remix).mp3.

This track is released to the public “as is”, with no warranty expressed or implied.  It is also free, and you cannot claim it as your own and try to sell it.  If you do pirate this recording, we WILL find out and we’ll call J.G. Wentworfth to get our money NOW!

If you would like to have D.J. Funky Dogg remix your track, he is available for an exorbitant fee, although sometimes he will do things for us for fun (because we’re so cool and he diggs this blog), so you can send it to us via our contact form and we’ll see what happens.