Tag Archives: global warming

you can help us prevent hurricanes


A while back I wrote an article about how to prevent hurricanes.  It’s been a really popular post lately, and for good reason — Hurricane Isaac was recently causing a swath of destruction along its path through the southern U.S.

Hurricane Isaac in 2012

The article explained some ways to prevent hurricanes, but there has been a noticeable lack of funds coming in.  So obviously investors either haven’t found it, or they didn’t take it seriously.  I realize the presentation could’ve been made in a more “professional” manner.  It started off with some rambling (also known as digressing), and some of the ideas were intentionally over-the-top for fun.  But I make no apologies for the format — this is a humor blog, after all.  Even when legitimate ideas are released into the blogosphere, they are accompanied with humor.  That’s just how I roll.  (Well, I do have a serious blog, and it could’ve went there, but then I would’ve had to edit out the randomness, and what’s the fun in that?)

The last idea was actually somewhat viable, though.  It could make a difference in so many ways.  Obviously we wouldn’t cover the entire Sahara desert with solar panels, but we’d have to make only a something-eight percent difference to improve the current status quo.  And as the post explains, this would reduce global warming AND save money from hurricane damages AND be a clean, green, unlimited, renewable energy solution.  So what’s the problem?  All we need is appropriate funding (and by appropriate I mean a LOT, like billions of dollars), but it would pay for itself many times over.

There may be some people who worry about tampering with Mother Nature, and there are valid concerns to address, but we’ve been doing it for years already.  If things do change for the negative somehow, people will just blame labels like “Global Warming” and “Climate Change” (partly because it gives them political power and enables them to raise taxes with the cleverly named “Cap and Trade”, but I’d better not rant on that or I will surely digress).  Besides, there are solar panels already installed in the southwest U.S., and nobody complains about that changing the weather.

It’s important that we focus on the key initiative here, and that is to solve numerous global problems at once.  Well, that and make billions of dollars in profit.  But as the saying goes, it takes money to make money.  And it takes money to save the world, unless you’ve got super powers like Superman.  However none of us are Superman, and as far as I know, no one on the Buffet o’ Blog staff has any of the super powers of Superman (or we’d know, because it would be awesome to use them).  So we need investment funding, which is another way of saying “send us your money”.  We’ll send you an official certificate saying you contributed to saving the world.  Plus you’ll feel all warm and toasty inside, and you’ll help extend the life of the Earth, and you can’t put a dollar value on that.

explanation of Global Warming for children


There were some good (verbal) responses on our recent post with the child-like explanation of nuclear meltdown, so today we’re going to show a video that explains what causes Global Warming.  This is a simplified version, at a level anyone can understand.  (So if you still don’t get it, you’re obviously making things too complicated.)

FYI, this is from an episode of Futurama, in case you were wondering.

viewer mail, issue #14


One of my regular readers recently pointed out that I haven’t written an issue of viewer mail in a while, and what they said was true.   There’s no good excuse for that, but to appease certain people, I’ll make an excuse anyway: I had stuff to do.  🙂

But enough rambling, well, rambling without a point, anyway.   Let’s get to the viewer mail.   As always, these are actual search terms that led people to this blog.  I will provide answers, advice, skepticism, ridicule, or whatever is necessary in response to these phrases.

  • newly invented vitamins and minerals — I have nothing against science and inventing, but I don’t think we need more vitamins and minerals.  I already have enough trouble eating all of them I’m supposed to.  HOWEVER, if these new vitamins and minerals can somehow make things like bacon and gravy healthy, then I’m all for it!  That would be a great invention — not only would you improve the quality of life of millions of people, but you’d make billions of dollars!
  • volcano-kilauea-in-sept-84-shot-450m-high1“survive a volcanic eruption” — I can help you here.  The key for survival in that situation is to be far away.   It’s really that simple.  You really want to avoid the hot molten magma / lava, because it can burn through almost anything, including concrete and steel.  So it’s best to be far away.   And don’t try to cook marshmallows or hot dogs over the lava, because it can reach 2000 degrees; thus your food will melt, as will you.
  • friends that are too cool — It’s unfortunate this happens, but it’s a way of life.  Your only options are to either improve yourself, or just give them their space.  We had a guest editorial by Thomas Wayne about this one time, so you can read a few people’s thoughts on it in the comments on that post.
  • chocolate chip cookiescookies for breakfast — Some health nuts may say cookies are not a “breakfast food” or that they aren’t suitable for breakfast somehow.   To that I say “hogwash!”.   I have conducted my own extensive research in this area, and the results are conclusive that cookies make a great breakfast.   Milk is a good beverage of choice to go with your breakfast of cookies.
  • smoking/oxygen — I’m glad you brought this up, whoever you are.  Have you ever realized that smoking cigarettes and cigars burns oxygen out of our atmosphere?  Thus smoking contributes to global warming!   You probably won’t hear Al Gore mention that, because it might make some people mad, but I’m not afraid to rock the boat.

Well, that’s all we have time for today.   I really do have stuff to do.  🙂  Be sure to check out the other issues of viewer mail for more answers to the stuff you’re searching for.

methane contributes to global warming


There are companies now selling “carbon credits”, making billions of dollars.  But carbon is not the only element contributing to global warming.  Researchers say methane is 23 times more potent than carbon dioxide in trapping heat in the atmosphere.  As we discussed in the last post, cows contribute significantly to global warming via the methane they produce with their flatulence.  But I’m willing to overlook that, because they play an important role in my diet.

However, there are some people who produce an undue amount of methane, way more than normal.  These people are not only polluting the immediate atmosphere, but they are contributing to global warming.  Of course, some of them might get offended if I told them they had to quit passing gas and belching so much, and you could argue that I would be infringing on their rights.  So I’ve found a good solution.  Effective immediately, I will be selling methane credits.  That’s right, for a small fee (paid to me), you can pass gas all you want, and I will plant trees to offset your personal pollution.  (I will also give you plenty of personal space!)

studying gas from cows


In an effort to reduce global warming, scientists are now studying flatulence produced by cows.  This is from an actual news article:

Argentine scientists are taking a novel approach to studying global warming — strapping plastic tanks to the backs of cows to collect their burps and farts. … Scientists at the National Institute of Agricultural Technology in Castelar, Argentina, will analyze the gas collected from cows. Scientists around the world are studying the amount of methane in gas expelled by cows and Argentine researchers have come up with a unique way to collect and analyze it. …

“When we got the first results, we were surprised. Thirty percent of Argentina’s (total greenhouse) emissions could be generated by cows,” said Guillermo Berra, a researcher at the National Institute of Agricultural Technology. Berra said the researchers “never thought” a cow weighing 550 kg (1,210 lb) could produce 800 to 1,000 litres (28 to 35 cubic feet) of emissions each day.

Notice that these scientists are studying and analyzing gas from cows.  How would you like that job?  I bet it stinks to have to do that every day!  (Pun very much intended.)

But maybe these scientists are onto something.  If a cow is producing more than its fair share of methane, then that’s not fair to the rest of us.  Likewise, I know some people who produce more methane than a normal human should.  Perhaps the government should require them to add Beano to their food…

why dinosaurs may kill us all


Global warming is a big concern to many these days.  It does appear that there has been some warming in recent years, although there’s much debate on whether it’s mostly man’s fault or not.  But I found an article recently that says there may be a bigger contributor to global warming than anything man has done.  Mankind emits about 7 billion tons of carbon per year.  But this new source may contribute 500 billion tons of carbon.  And it may cause global warming to accelerate at a rate that we cannot stop.  Are you curious yet?

The “new” source of carbon is actually very old.  It’s dead animals from a long time ago, like prehistoric times.  According to some scientists, their organic matter was stored in the frozen Arctic tundra.  But now that the permafrost is melting, this is being exposed.

So if this “new” contribution to global warming is the downfall of all mankind, we can blame the woolly mammoths and saber-toothed tigers and dinosaurs, because it will be their dead carcasses that doomed us all.  Go figure…

You can read more on that here.

So, what can we do about this potential end of the world?  Let’s get the discussion started, since there are numerous important geniui here (both good and evil).  (And yes, even an evil genius should try to help, because if all life on earth ends because of this, there will be no world to conquer, and his life’s work would be in vain.  But I digress…)  What can we do to save the world?

aerosols reduce global warming


In an online discussion of global warming and whether or not man caused it, I found something interesting :

Between 1961 and 1990 (actually it’s more like 1940-1970), there was not a cooling. There was a halt of global warming. There is evidence that this was caused by aerosols. However, it is difficult to prove with any certainty.

And think about this — in the 1990s, the government started banning aerosols.  (That might’ve helped the decline of the ’80s “big hair” debacle.)  So when aerosols went down, global warming increased.  If that correlation is true, then I’m going to start spraying aerosols to offset all this global warming!  Now, to some of you, that may sound boring, but that means you’ve never sprayed an aerosol towards an open flame such as a lighter.  You have an instant flamethrower.  I’ve always wanted to build a flamethrower.  I might also look into building a jetpack based on the burning of aerosols.  That way I could get around quickly and save the environment!

Yep, I think it’s time for the Buffet o’ Blog Research & Development department to start building a flamethrower and jetpack using aerosols.  Both of these products would sell on their own, but if they’ll reduce global warming, then they’d sell like hotcakes (or better, even).  I wonder what Al Gore will think about this?  Maybe I’ll make my own movie and make millions…