Tag Archives: poop

diet colas with artificial poop

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The other day I wrote about a spa using bird poop in facials, and at the end of the discussion I joked about what would be the next use of poop.  At the time, I was unaware of a breaking news story about diet colas that is somewhat related.  (Are you getting scared yet?)

diet cola - now with more artificial poopRecently the patent details for the artificial sweetener aspartame became available online, and well, it’s made with a certain byproduct.  (Are you sure you want to keep reading?  It might get even worse.)  Obviously it’s an artificial sweetener, which has certain connotations, but there’s more than you’d expect.  Some versions of aspartame are made by harvesting the protein waste (i.e., poop) of genetically modified E. coli bacteria, then adding methanol to it.  (On a side note, how someone invented this process is beyond my imagination, so I looked it up.  In 1965 a chemist was trying to create an anti-ulcer drug, and while generating a hormone for it, he licked his finger and accidentally discovered the sweet taste of aspartame.  Go figure…)

Aspartame is one of the most common artificial sweeteners, and it’s sold under the brand names NutraSweet® and Equal®.  It’s used because it’s about 200 times sweeter than table sugar, so less can be used, which lowers the calories in the food or beverage.  It is used in thousands of different food products.  The FDA maintains that it is completely safe.

It may be safe, but this is one of the those things that I kinda wish I didn’t know…

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bird poop facials — only $180

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I’ve heard of people drinking coffee made from poop, which is crazy enough.  But at least it’s cooked and processed to some degree.  Now there’s a new use for poop.  (But wait, there’s more!)

Now a spa in New York City is offering bird poop facials for $180 each.  Supposedly it gently exfoliates the skin.  I’m no beauty expert, but aren’t there other ways to do that?  Anyway, it’s called a “geisha facial”, which is supposedly a Japanese beauty secret.  (I’m thinking I’d keep the ingredients list secret if this was my product, but I’m no marketing expert, either.)

I know what some of you are thinking — “But you never mentioned the smell!!!”  🙂  Of course they have to account for that; how many people would stay in a spa if it smelled like crap?  At this spa, they surround you with aromas of camellia, lavender, and rose.  They mix the bird poop with a rice bran, so it supposedly smells like toasted rice.  The treatment begins with steam to open the pores and soften the skin, then they leave this poop mixture on your face for five minutes.  I guess they want the bird poop to soak in.  (Remember, they’re a professional business and they charge you a lot of money, so obviously they must know what they’re doing.)  The owner says the bird feces brings out the dirt and dust that builds up in the skin and leaves the customer feeling refreshed.

poop - jar of poopOh, and they don’t use just any ol’ bird poop, because that would be gross.  It’s only from nightingales, because they eat seeds that produce the natural enzyme that is the active ingredient.  Seems to me it would be good to cut out the middleman in this situation…

The article says that about 100 people get this pooperizing procedure done at this spa every month, which, doing the math, brings in $18,000 — every month.  That’s a lot of money for a procedure using bird poop and rice bran.  Seems like a high-profit business to be in.  They must be doing something right.  (I’d guess it’s the advertising and promotion — how else are you going to convince people to pay big bucks to get poop smeared on their face?)

A doctor (also in New York) has predicted that animal extracts will grow in popularity, that they offer “a new definition of natural”, because some marketed natural products could be harmful to the skin.  However, I also learned that because this is sold as a cosmetic rather than a drug, there is no obligation to back up their claims with evidence.

What’s going to be the next use of poop?  Actually, never mind — I don’t want to know.

a conversation going downhill

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Someone on the Buffet o’ Blog staff recently forwarded an e-card that sparked an interesting chain of e-mails:

Of course such a statement will not go unchallenged, and that’s what amped up this conversation.  (Besides the fun of it, we have to keep each other humble…)  Someone replied with “That gives me gas…”  So then someone modified the picture to reflect the next phase:

And it was said that that picture is what the original sender should have sent out the first time.  So that just provoked further modification:

That’s just wrong… funny, but wrong.  Found out later it was supposed to say “bad case”, but it works either way.  Then someone replied, “It looks like somebody supersized your order of butt nuggets.”  I was kinda afraid of the conversation continuing down that road…  I’m not exactly sure what a butt nugget is, but I’m sure I don’t want any part of it!

This whole exchange reminded me of a quote:

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction into a battle of wits and add drama to an otherwise dull day.

That’s exactly what happened here.

taking your pet to church

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I heard there’s a church that lets you bring your pets to service now.  Apparently it’s been good for their attendance, but I have to wonder if they ever asked themselves: WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?  Seems like there’s quite a few potential issues, and by “potential” I mean likely will happen.  Let’s look at a couple of scenarios.

1) Animals like to explore and smell things.  So they’re going to want to wander around.  Not only would that be a distraction, but it would lead to #2.

2) Fighting.  Are cats and dogs going to suddenly get along because they’re in church?  I doubt it.  It’ll end up like a Looney Tunes episode where the dog is chasing Sylvester, who is chasing Tweety Bird.  It makes for a funny cartoon, but not so great in real life, especially during something as important as a church service.

3) Animals poop.  Well, to be fair, humans do too, but we usually go to a bathroom for such things.  It would be a huge distraction to have animals urinating and pooping all over the place.  Even if you had litter boxes, some indoor pets aren’t housebroken.  (I know, that seems inconceivable, but I know someone who keeps a dog inside who isn’t housebroken. I just don’t understand.)  Either way, poop is distracting, as well as unsanitary.

I could go on, but I figure that’s enough reasons why you wouldn’t allow people to bring their pets to church with them.  What do you think?

explaining Japan’s nuclear situation to children

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Someone sent me a video of a cartoon character named Nuclear Boy, who explains the nuclear disaster in Japan, but in a format for children.  This video (below) has captioning translated to English.  Apparently it was designed by someone in Japan, so I don’t think it’s meant to make light of the situation, just putting it in terms children can relate to, like passing gas / farting, poo, and diarrhea.  Yeah, this video compares radiation emissions to gas, and a complete meltdown like Chernobyl is diarrhea.

Just to be clear, this is not to make fun of what’s happening in Japan right now.  My heart goes out to them.  I can’t imagine what they’re going through.

This video is a lighter take on it, for children — well, also for teenagers and adults who are still fascinated by flatulence and poop.  Not everyone understands nuclear meltdown, but everyone understands diarrhea.

The name of the video translated into English is: A Nuclear Reactor Explained by Poop and Farts: Nuclear Reactor Boy’s Tummy Ache.

I’ve wondered if this is an actual translation, so I looked at the comments on the original video, and someone there translated it very similar, so it appears legit, as far as I know.

caption contest, car attacked by birds

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Last week’s caption contest dealt with a serious topic — the oil spill.  Since we can’t have too much seriousness here on this blog, this week’s caption contest will use a photo that leads to easy jokes and easy humor — a car windshield covered in bird poop, and the car’s owner looking quite distraught.  So write a caption explaining what’s going on here or what the woman is thinking or what her friends are thinking, or make up something totally different.  Just keep it clean and funny.

(To see our other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)