Tag Archives: stupid

much ado about nothing

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Before yesterday’s post (ARRR!) we received a message here via the Contact Us form.  (By the way, anyone can use it, and you can ask any question — see the link for details.)  This message was a little unusual.  I’ll let you see for yourself:

Name: chester
Email: gas@yo-mommashouse.org
Message: yo, mr. blog dude. your blog promised to give me more than my ‘recommended allowance of randomness’ but there hasn’t been an update in almost 3 weeks! whats up with that? that’s like breach of contract and stuff. you better start posting new stuff, or i’m going to get my law degree from one of those online accredited universities and sue! that’s right! I’LL be the one enjoying the free cheesedip each month once this blog starts making money and not you! so help a brother out, and save me the $19.95 i’d have to spend on a law degree and post more stuff! you’ve been warned!

Okay, I know who this is from, and he can suck rocks.  🙂  But I will nonetheless address his concerns since he took the time to write.

1) There has been a lack of content lately, and while I have many valid excuses of various activities competing for my time, it will be suffice to sum up with: I had stuff to do.  🙂

2) There is no free cheese dip each month.  (I wish!)

3) If you’re really desiring more content, here’s a fun thing to try.  In the sidebar there is a link called Random Randomness, which takes you to a random post on this blog.  There are very few readers (if any) who have read every post and all the comments.  Besides, there’s great content that you might’ve forgotten about.

4) For additional enjoyment, click on “Say What” in the categories list, and read through the comments for the caption contests.  The comments are what makes it great, and you’ll probably think of additional captions to add while you’re there.

suing Michael Jordan for his looks

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It might get old if you look like a celebrity or famous athlete.  Just sharing their name might be tiring.  It would probably be like that commercial of the middle-aged white guy named Michael Jordan — anytime he makes a reservation or his name goes before him, people are excited, then when he shows up, they look disappointed and say, “Oh.”  But if you look like someone famous, you might get stopped all the time in public for autographs, then people are disappointed when they realize you aren’t that person.

Allen Heckard knows how that feels.  People mistake him for Michael Jordan because of his looks, even though he’s 4 inches shorter.  He says this happens two or three times a day, and eventually he got to the point where he said, “Enough is enough.  I can’t take it anymore.”

So what would you do?  He says he’s changed his appearance some, but it didn’t work.  So he filed a lawsuit against Michael Jordan and Nike, claiming he is owed $832 million for 15 years of harassment by the public.  I wonder how he came up with that figure.  Needless to say, he didn’t win.

Heckard afterward said, “It’s not about the money.  A man has to have principles to stand on.”  That’s some principles if they’re worth $832 million!  If he’s just wanting to retire and stay home most of the time, he could’ve asked for a lot less money and still accomplished that.

Sometimes you have to wonder what people were thinking…

new Darwin Award nominee

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There is no shortage of contestants for the annual Darwin Awards.  If you aren’t familiar with them, it’s a list of people who do incredibly stupid stuff that gets them killed.  I don’t keep up with it regularly, but I just heard about what will surely be an entry for 2012.

A man in North Carolina drank some gasoline and then smoked a cigarette.  You’d think common sense would apply, but it didn’t.  Also, somehow he made it to 43 years old.  The man was at a friend’s apartment when he apparently mistook a jar of gasoline sitting by the kitchen sink for a beverage.  Later, he went outside to smoke and burst into flame.

That’s about all the details in the news article, but it leaves so much to question.  Here’s what I immediately think of:

1) Did he not smell the gasoline before he drank it?
2) Why was a jar of gasoline by the kitchen sink?
3) Why wouldn’t he go to the hospital after drinking gasoline?
4) Shouldn’t he have realized gasoline is highly flammable and thus smoking would be really dangerous?

If you have any potential answers to those questions, feel free to leave a comment…

Congressman Hank Johnson worried about Guam

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Here’s a video that sounds like an April Fools prank, but it happened a couple of days ago, so it must be serious.  Besides, we know politicians typically don’t have a sense of humor.

Henry Hank Johnson, a Congressman from Georgia, is featured in the video below, “debating” the idea of adding more soldiers to the U.S. military base in Guam.  That may not sound humorous, but it gets random.  Not only is he obviously filibusting (delaying an answer / vote), but he has some logic issues while rambling.

Hank is concerned that if they add 8,000 soldiers and their families to Guam, the island might “tip over and capsize”.  I mean, Guam is a small island, so you have to consider these things.  Or, um, NOT!   Unless I totally missed something during geography classes, islands aren’t known for tipping over if you put too many people on them.   In case you didn’t watch it, he said, “My fear is that the whole island will become so overly populated that it will tip over and capsize.”

Perhaps Hank was just rambling in hopes that the discussion would run out of time or the moderator would just give up.  Or perhaps he was trying to make a “facetious metaphor” (as a spokesman later claimed), but if so, he failed… epicly.  Maybe he should work on saying intelligent things, instead of just making stuff up.  It is kinda funny to hear, until you realize that this man gets a vote in legislation that governs our country.

Should we cut him some slack?  Everybody says stupid things from time to time, right?  Probably, but not things that stupid.   And the average person isn’t in Congress, where the bar of intelligence should be considerably higher.  Even if he was just rambling (and he was), how do you say something like that?  I know rambling can get random — this I am familiar with — but when you’re sitting in front of government officials, you should be able to refrain from saying one of the stupidest things of the year…

And he doesn’t know when to stop!  Surely he realized how ignorant his statement was about the island tipping over (along with visual simulations), but then he rambles on about the soldiers interfering with the coral reef, that we don’t like to think about it, that it might become like global warming.  (Notice how he keeps adjusting his tie around the 2-minute mark.)   And he talks so slow… does he think that will make him sound more intelligent and/or thoughtful?

I just keep thinking this is a prank video, that there’s no way an elected official to Congress is this obtuse.

stupid lawsuit over a comet

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Do you remember when NASA fired a space probe at a comet and hit it?  This was a $333 million mission called “Deep Impact”.  It was very impressive that they were able to hit the comet because it was moving at 23,000 mph.  NASA plans to study the debris generated to hopefully learn how the solar system was formed.

This was a few years ago, so it’s not exactly news, but I just found out something else about it.  A woman named Marina Bai sued the U.S. Space Agency over the mission, claiming it “ruins the natural balance of forces in the universe” and thus would “deform her horoscope”.  She sued for $300 million, for her “moral sufferings”.  (I wonder how bad $300,000,000 worth of “moral sufferings” would feel; I can’t say I’ve ever felt that bad.)

By now, you’ve probably already realized this is a stupid lawsuit.  But it gets even better — the comet in reference, 9P / Tempel, doesn’t actually appear on the horoscope!

So obviously this woman was just making all this up to get rich, but these frivolous lawsuits clog up the justice system (which is already inconceivably slow) and waste taxpayers’ money as well as time and money from the people being sued for no reason.  So can someone sue that woman for being stupid?  Although, on second thought, the ability to sue people for being stupid would overwhelm the court system even more, so perhaps some limits would need to be put in place…

plastic surgery for the dead

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A growing trend in America is people buying plastic surgery for their dead relatives.  Some of the corpses are being treated with drugs like Botox to reduce wrinkles.  Is this the next big waste of money scheme?  This is stupid.

Although, I wonder if these people are afraid their relatives are going to return as zombies.  Perhaps this last-minute plastic surgery will help them look better if they return from the dead.  Because, as you might know, the undead have a history of looking very ugly and deformed.

Although, if zombies start looking like normal alive people, that could be quite dangerous!  This new trend must be stopped!

I need more readers

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I’ve heard it said that if you can get enough people to follow your dream, you can accomplish anything.  Well, one of my dreams is that this blog has thousands of readers and generates enough ad revenue that I can make a living at writing stupid stuff.  🙂  Y’know, I reckon the saying is true.  I just need more followers.

So now I know what to do to accomplish my dream.  Well, I know that I need more readers.  And as another saying goes, “Knowing is half the battle.”  (I learned that nugget of truth from cartoons!  G.I. Joe, specifically.)  But in this case, I don’t know if knowing is half the battle.  Getting thousands of people to read here everyday seems like more than half the work of my ramblings in this post.  Maybe G.I. Joe lied to me.  I’ve done half the work for this dream, so if I finish the other half in the next few minutes and it doesn’t come true, then I was misled.  I’m gonna sue…  Hey, maybe then I’ll have all the money I need to blog for a living!  🙂