Tag Archives: wife

Who is Valentine’s Day for?

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Valentine's Day card - vintage, 04It’s Valentine’s Day again, and you know what that means.  This is one of those holidays with certain expectations, and it can cause great distress and disappointment in the relationship if those expectations aren’t met.  Let’s take a lighter look at that…

If you’re a man with a wife or girlfriend, you’re typically expected to buy her a nice (sappy) card, give her chocolates and roses (which are inconveniently greatly inflated in price during February), and take her on a romantic date.  These aren’t all bad things.  I’m not anti-Valentine’s Day or anything like that.  It’s good to show appreciation to your significant other, and we tend to take our loved ones for granted.  I don’t particularly like the idea of it being “forced” on a certain day, but it’s a good reminder.

So the woman in the relationship gets showered with nice stuff, like she deserves, because we cherish her.  What are the expectations going the other way?  Well, guys typically get a card, which may not mean as much as it would to a woman.  Now before you accuse me of being selfish, it’s not about that.  I don’t care about getting more gifts.  I just wonder who created these expectations and how many people are aware of how it is.  Why are they this way?  That topic is beyond the scope of this discussion, but it’s a good thinking exercise if you’re interested.

Maybe we should start some new traditions, for the guys.  What kind of affordable stuff would guys want to receive every year and which would also make them feel loved and appreciated?  (That “affordable” modifier limits the ideas, so no monster trucks or flamethrowers or tanks.  But we need to be practical, I suppose.)  For starters, how about cheese dip?  Either homemade or Stoby’s cheese dip would suffice (plus no comments about how it’s not healthy or that a tub of cheese dip is not a meal by itself).  Bacon should probably be included in this.  Maybe chicken-fried bacon for dipping in the cheese dip?  Just imagining that probably makes you gain weight…

I figure most guys would like a time of playing video games, since that time typically gets dramatically reduced when in a relationship (and more when married and even more when you have children).  This may not seem practical, since the day is about quality time in the relationship, and that’s fair.  It could be applied the next day.  Or the woman could join him in the games, if they can find something they both enjoy.  That would probably count as quality time, to him anyway.

These ideas might not fly, but that’s okay.  I can dream, right?  🙂  If you have any ideas, I’m open to suggestions.  (Your comments can be anonymous if you’re scared of getting in trouble for speaking out on this.)

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women’s games in marriage

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Men typically enjoy playing games, whether video games or sports or a battle of wits or just made-up games.  We enjoy the competition and the challenge.  Women, in general, seem to want the games to be “fair” to the point that no one has an advantage and no one loses.

But a strange thing happens when a man and a woman are married: the guy usually ends up playing a game he didn’t know he was playing.  In this marriage game, the woman makes the rules (and these rules are subject to change all the time), and the guy doesn’t know the rules.  So there’s not really any competition, just losing.  And perhaps the woman still wants everyone to win, but it’s ironically not setup fairly, and the guy loses a lot because he doesn’t know how to play (if he even knows he’s playing a game).

So in marriage, the woman wants to make it a game, but not fair.  The guy doesn’t want it to be a game, but he’s forced into it anyway.  So I’m wondering — when did things get all mixed up?

Do you want an example of these games?  Here’s one: the husband does something extra to help his wife out around the house.  To a guy, if he volunteers to help out with something, to be nice and make her happy, that’s a good thing.  But just offering to help and then helping isn’t enough.  He may be judged in the following categories: what he’s offering to help on compared with other tasks, if he really wants to do this or not, and how excited he is about doing this.  And so in trying to do good, he may be penalized because of the other aspects, and then it counts as a negative on his score.  So he may end up confused, frustrated, and less motivated to offer extra help next time.  Thus everyone loses…

how to deal with your woman’s bad mood

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I know that most of the regular readers here at Buffet o’ Blog are guys, and some of them are married, so those of you who fit that category know that sometimes your wife is in a bad mood.  It can happen for a number of reasons.  Maybe it’s that time of the month (PMS); maybe the house isn’t decorated enough yet; maybe her husband is lazy and slacks a lot; maybe her husband wasn’t enthusiastic enough about doing the chores (even if he agreed to help); etc.  There’s a lot of reasons this scenario could happen — too many to list here.  But you most likely know what I’m talking about.

So what should the man of the house do in this situation?  If you tell her she’s in a bad mood and why she shouldn’t be, that probably won’t help at all, and it may make matters considerably worse (so beware, because you don’t want her to have an “emotional meltdown” or “emotional explosion”).  Another option would be to ignore her attitude.  Men are naturally good at compartmentalizing things, so this is somewhat natural.  But your wife probably won’t like this response either.  You could try hugging her and listening to her, and sometimes this is the right thing to do, but if you’re the source of her frustration / anger, then that won’t help any.

So sometimes there is no good solution.  But you shouldn’t just ignore it, so men need some way to express their displeasure with the situation, so she’ll know that you do not approve of the environment at that time.  One possible solution would be to fart and belch as loudly and as often as possible.  She won’t like this, but perhaps she will begin to associate these things with her bad mood.  An association of that sort would make her want to avoid that situation, which is what you want.

This is really basic psychology principles here.  (My psychology teachers from school would be so proud!  I learned that sometimes you need to just rip a big fart to help motivate others to deal with their problems.)  If I may make a small disclaimer on this, I will say that I haven’t personally conducted experiments on this yet, but logically it should work.  Feel free to share your success stories in the comments section, so married couples may benefit of your testimony and make their marriages happier.  And then the world will become a better place…  🙂