Tag Archives: women

Who is Valentine’s Day for?

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Valentine's Day card - vintage, 04It’s Valentine’s Day again, and you know what that means.  This is one of those holidays with certain expectations, and it can cause great distress and disappointment in the relationship if those expectations aren’t met.  Let’s take a lighter look at that…

If you’re a man with a wife or girlfriend, you’re typically expected to buy her a nice (sappy) card, give her chocolates and roses (which are inconveniently greatly inflated in price during February), and take her on a romantic date.  These aren’t all bad things.  I’m not anti-Valentine’s Day or anything like that.  It’s good to show appreciation to your significant other, and we tend to take our loved ones for granted.  I don’t particularly like the idea of it being “forced” on a certain day, but it’s a good reminder.

So the woman in the relationship gets showered with nice stuff, like she deserves, because we cherish her.  What are the expectations going the other way?  Well, guys typically get a card, which may not mean as much as it would to a woman.  Now before you accuse me of being selfish, it’s not about that.  I don’t care about getting more gifts.  I just wonder who created these expectations and how many people are aware of how it is.  Why are they this way?  That topic is beyond the scope of this discussion, but it’s a good thinking exercise if you’re interested.

Maybe we should start some new traditions, for the guys.  What kind of affordable stuff would guys want to receive every year and which would also make them feel loved and appreciated?  (That “affordable” modifier limits the ideas, so no monster trucks or flamethrowers or tanks.  But we need to be practical, I suppose.)  For starters, how about cheese dip?  Either homemade or Stoby’s cheese dip would suffice (plus no comments about how it’s not healthy or that a tub of cheese dip is not a meal by itself).  Bacon should probably be included in this.  Maybe chicken-fried bacon for dipping in the cheese dip?  Just imagining that probably makes you gain weight…

I figure most guys would like a time of playing video games, since that time typically gets dramatically reduced when in a relationship (and more when married and even more when you have children).  This may not seem practical, since the day is about quality time in the relationship, and that’s fair.  It could be applied the next day.  Or the woman could join him in the games, if they can find something they both enjoy.  That would probably count as quality time, to him anyway.

These ideas might not fly, but that’s okay.  I can dream, right?  🙂  If you have any ideas, I’m open to suggestions.  (Your comments can be anonymous if you’re scared of getting in trouble for speaking out on this.)

the original Batmobile – you can buy it

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Someone just paid $4.6 million for the original Batmobile in an auction.  It was a cool car for its time, and I’d like to have it, but that’s a LOT of money!  Supposedly the guy who bought it is gonna keep it in his living room.  He must be single or have multiple living rooms, because the WAF (Wife Approval Factor) on that home decor design decision would probably be quite low.  I can imagine how it would go if I told my wife I want to put the Batmobile in our living room…

Batmobile - at auction

The original owner bought it for $1 in 1965 and spent $15,000 transforming the 1955 Lincoln Futura concept car into the Batmobile.  I’d say he got a good return on his investment!

George Barris Receives Life Achievement Award - Arrivals

Even though it was/is a concept car, it’s street legal.  It would be so cool to drive one of these around…  I’d accept a replica version…  🙂

I wonder what it would cost to make it actually shoot fire out the back… obviously you’d want to be able to turn it on and off.  A cursory glance online reveals this has been done, of course.  I figure they didn’t use atomic batteries like in the original.

Well, I looked more online before posting this, and happened to find where you can buy a Batmobile replica, and it’s actually got some of the tricks installed, such as the working rocket exhaust flamethrower, the glowing Detect-a-Scope radar screen, and the push-button ignition.  The only drawbacks are that it costs $190,164 and that it gets only 6 miles per gallon.  The latter I could live with, but the price might be a stumbling block. I suspect my wife will say that’s not in the budget.  She’ll start with nitpicky legalistic arguments like “That costs more than our house!”, and my logical reply of “But it’s the Batmobile!” will not work at all.  Women… always ruled by their emotions…  🙂

I can dream… and while I’m dreaming, I’m going to have my own Batcave, too…

Batmobile in the Batcave

the game of housekeeping

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I was explaining to one of my single guy friends the other day how having guests come over to your house is a lot different when you’re married than when you’re single.  It’s not enough to just toss the piles of mail and other clutter into your bedroom.  No, it’s time for a whole-house cleaning and makeover!  This is usually difficult (read: impossible) for men to understand, so I will try to explain.  Imagine you’re on a TV game show and every time someone comes over, your house is judged in the categories of how well you decorate, organize, and clean.  Forget the practical aspect of your guests understanding that people actually live in the house.  Sure, that seems like a valid excuse, and it is, but it only works with men.  If I go to a friend’s house and it’s cluttered, I don’t judge him, nor do I really care.  As long as my life is not endangered by the clutter and dust, it doesn’t matter.  I understand houses get messy sometimes and that there are many things you’d rather do than clean your house every single day.  And if you have children, it’s advisable to give up that dream of a house that always looks like a show home in a magazine or on certain TV shows, or you’re going to be frustrated a lot.

Anyway, back to my analogy before I go into rant mode.  Imagine you’re on a game show.  You and your wife are the contestants, and your guests are the panel of non-celebrity judges (even if their opinions get treated like they’re celebrities).  You might as well pretend it’s Martha Stewart showing up to judge you for how your house looks.  And that’s a critical aspect here — you are being judged, not just your house.  If it looks like people live there, you are obviously a poor housekeeper, and your life priorities must be all wrong.  And the categories you’re judged in include much more than just how clean your house is.  Even if you dust everything, vacuum, sweep, mop, do all the dishes, clean the bathrooms, etc., you can still receive a poor score.  See, it also matters how your furniture looks, and what art you have hanging on the walls, and what curtains you have, and how recently you’ve painted, and what your “theme” is, and so on.  I could not possibly list everything on the list because I am male.  I just don’t get it.

So let’s get to the next part of the game show — the prizes.  Well, there are no prizes.  It is theoretically possible to pass through this test unscathed, but unless you enjoy the process of all this housework, it’s not going to feel like winning.  And notice I said it’s possible to win in theory.  Realize that the difference between theory and practice is a lot bigger in practice than in theory.  Most likely you will lose miserably.  In some cases, even if you do all you know to do, you still lose regardless, even if the house is spotless and clutter-free, because you should’ve done more stuff, like hanging new curtains and pictures.

There are also some special complications that are bonus during this ordeal.  If your guests are your parents or in-laws, you may automatically lose.  But don’t let that faze you — you still must try your absolute best or you lose in more ways than one!  Sometimes it is a no-win situation, so you may not feel like trying at all, but there are definitely different levels of losing.

Well, there’s my perspective on the game of housekeeping.  I would enjoy hearing other perspectives.  And if anyone knows how to explain this to wives, to make the situation better, please share.  (And if it works, you should probably write a book and go around the country teaching at marriage enrichment seminars.)  Also, know that you can leave comments under an alias so your spouse won’t know it’s you.  So feel free to speak the unbridled truth.

funny pictures, episode 12

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Someone pointed out that many of my recent posts have been asking for contributions to the humor (i.e., caption contests), and I make no apologies for that — I really enjoy seeing how different perspectives result in varied humor.  But I realized I have been neglecting the funny pictures series, so I will continue that post-haste.

Now, for your viewing pleasure, here are several funny / weird / random / odd pictures for you to enjoy.  (Of course you are welcome to leave comments, but don’t feel pressured to.)

This reminds me of regular reader Rurouni Kenneth!

Pets have a way of letting you know when they feel neglected...

This sounds like that "Important Doctor", with his bacon and cheese diet*...

* The bacon-and-cheese diet has been referenced many times, but you can find the first mention of it here, if you care to read more…  Just remember this is a humor site, so take any of this seriously at your own risk!  Better yet, don’t take any of it seriously!

This reminds me of a guy I know... his name is Anonymous. 🙂

Grimace: Nom-Nom-Nom

There ya go.  Stay tuned for more funny pics, and feel free to peruse the funny picture archives if you are new here.

Why do women wear high heels?

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Have you ever wondered why women wear uncomfortable high heels?  From what I’ve heard, those shoes are very uncomfortable and are bad for posture and bad for long-term physical health.  So why do women wear them?  Is it to be taller?  Is it to look better?  I figure it’s some combination of those things.  But that leads to another question — is it worth the trouble?

A study at Northumbria University has determined that men cannot tell if a woman is wearing high heels when they walk.  In the experiment, men couldn’t tell when women were wearing high heels, unless they happened to see the shoes directly.  And from personal research, I’ll say that men tend to not notice what kind of shoes a woman is wearing.

In related news, men don’t notice what kind of handbag / purse a woman is carrying.  I don’t know if there’s a study for that, but I suspect it’s true.  I don’t know any men who care or even notice whether their girlfriend’s / wife’s purse matches her outfit.  So why is it such a big deal?

Also related, have you ever noticed women who are dressed nice and have their hair fixed impeccably yet are dating a guy who looks like he just crawled out of bed?  The woman appears to be really concerned about physical appearance in herself but not concerned about it with the man she’s with.  Does that make sense?

If you have answers for any of these confusing issues, feel free to explain in a comment.

viewer mail, issue #18

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One of the regular readers here recently mentioned that we haven’t put out an issue of viewer mail in a while.  They are correct.   And there is no good excuse for it, because it’s a fun series, and there’s plenty of material to work with.  Perhaps the writers are slackers.  So to light a fire under them, I told them they had to put out a new episode of viewer mail or they’d go to bed without supper.  That is sufficient motivation, so now we have the next issue of viewer mail.

As usual, this is based on actual search terms used to find this blog, and I’ll focus on the ones we haven’t already written extensively about.

Click image to see a larger, more tempting picture.

* large sausage & bacon sandwich — My dream of the future is that someday we’ll be able to download stuff like this.  Just type it in at a certain site (or select it from pictures), and it’s downloaded through the Internet.  Although I wonder if the tubes of the Internet are subject to artery clogging… Why would I worry about that, though?  I’m American!  Here’s the kind of breakfast sandwich I would download — bacon, sausage, copious amounts of cheese, held together by grilled cheese with bacon.   (There could hardly be a better breakfast sandwich, unless you add some milk gravy.)

* buffet calories — This is an invalid request.  The whole nature of a food buffet is unlimited, so if you’re wanting to count calories, you should avoid a buffet.  The great part of a buffet is that you get to eat what you want, in whatever combination you want, and however much you want.  That’s why it’s called “all you can eat”.   If you don’t eat all you can eat, you’re getting ripped off, because that’s what you paid for.

* homer simpson freak out — Your search returned 7,352,809 results.   🙂

* barack obama thinking — Your search returned 0 results.   (That was too easy…)

* super awesome bacon sandwhich — See above.  Actually, there are a number of bacon sandwiches (and other awesome bacon foodstuffs) documented here.  You can click on the “Food Critic” category, and many will either start with bacon or have it added.  (It’s inevitable that someone will always say “needs more bacon”.)   One of the Food Critic entries is a massively stacked , with many layers of bacon.  You can also search for our Buffet o’ Bacon series, where we conduct our own bacon recipe research, involving the Buffet o’ Blog important chefs (of which there are several).  There you’ll find some bacon dishes you’ve probably never thought of before, and it may make you hungry.  🙂

* women have bad moods — Your search returned 380,599,248,107 results.  (I hope I don’t get in trouble for that!)

I’d better wrap this up before things get too crazy.   Actually, I suddenly have a powerful craving for bacon…  Time to exit stage right to search for bacon!

caption contest, woman crashed car into boat

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This week’s caption contest looks to be fun.  It involves a woman driver who has wrecked her car.

You get to make up the context for this picture.   How did this happen?  Why?  Was anyone or anything else involved?   What is she thinking?  What are the onlookers thinking?

(To see our other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)

(If you’re a woman who gets offended easily, perhaps you should go visit another page or site.   This is a humor blog, and jokes will be made, whether based on truth or imagination.  Just remember it’s all in fun.)